राम उठाओ धनुष पुनः

हो चला प्रकंपित देश हित,

सुदृढ़ इसका आधार करो।

चेतना राष्ट्र की जकड़ रही,

करने को मुक्त प्रहार करो।

हे राम! उठाओ धनुष पुनः,

गगन भेदी तुम टंकार भरो।

रावण है बसा घर घर भीतर,

जन त्रास हरो संहार करो।

हिम शिख से सागर नख तक,

स्वप्न रामराज्य का साकार करो।

- आनंद मोहन श्रीवास्तव

(धन्यवाद भारत राजौरा)

पहन के रखिये मास्क ||

मन में यदि ठान लो, नहीं कठिन कोई टास्क |
डॉक्टर कह के थक गए, पहन के रखिये मास्क ||

पहन के रखिये मास्क, बची रहेगी काया |
वरना अंतिम यात्रा ले जाएगा, कोई कर्मी पराया ||

समझ फिर भी न आए जो , छोटी सी यह बात |
सोचो बाद तुम्हारे देगा कौन, छोटे बच्चों  का साथ ||

कोरोना का वायरस, है बड़ा हठी |
हाथ जोड़ विनती  है - सावधानी हटी, दुर्घटना  घटी ||
~ आनन्द मोहन श्रीवास्तव 

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is Laziest of us all...

There is a well-known saying that goes "Always give the hardest job to the laziest person because he will find the easiest way to do it".
Here are a few gems where laziness took the cake.

During hostel days, there were these two guys who would regularly get into squabble over one very important issue - who will turn off the light before sleeping? Mind you, falling asleep wasn't important; you just had to be lying down before the other guy "noticed".

Each of them would try to sneak in and lie down quietly before the other guy noticed... and if you think that the 2nd guy could've switched the bulb off while entering, then you are missing the point.

One fine day, they came up with a genius idea - flip the switch by throwing stuff at the switch board.... without leaving the comfort of their beds.

Couple of rounds went on, when, one of the guys, threw a slipper, and... missed the mark... and... hit the bulb instead of the switch.

All I can say - at least he got the job done.

Another instance was a couple of years later when I had recently joined software industry.
One day while getting ready for office, I noticed that my shirt needed ironing near collar; and that was after I had already put the shirt on.
Out of sheer laziness, I decided to iron the small portion without taking the shirt off.

You can guess what must have happened next. I, looked into the mirror, positioned the iron, and... ummm... let's leave what happened next.
All I can say - I got the shirt ironed, and also received a brown lining on my neck.

However, this wasn't the only bad thing. While in office, one of my colleagues asked me what happened to my neck, and laughed so hard afterwards that entire floor heard him.

The only thing that made me feel better was... at least I got the job done.

Morning Walk - Precursor

We all know that having elders in the house is a blessing. They guide us and help us in so many ways.
Be it giving proper rites (sanskar) to our kids, or comforting us when we are facing hard times, or guiding us when we feel really lost (or are actually lost but have a working cellphone). But you know what works best for me? They kick the bad habits out of us, and keep kicking :D

Since I have been out of my hometown for so many years, I had somewhat forgotten this blessing, but my last visit gave me a refresher.

Actually, Dad goes for morning walk every day to Lohia Park with his friends; so during my last visit to Lucknow, I asked him to take me with him the next morning. You get it where this is heading, don't you :)

I also said "Papa, no matter what excuse I mention in the morning, please ignore that". This was around 11:30 PM, and after that he went to sleep. However, I couldn't fall asleep as quickly as I do on regular days.

In order to be sufficiently motivated, I decided to watch a few motivational videos on YouTube and before I realized, it was 2 in the morning!

"That's enough motivation........... for day after tomorrow" I told myself and went to sleep.

5:45 AM - "Bittu utho". Probably I heard Papa's voice but he got only "zzzz..." in response.

6:00 AM - "Ye Vividh Bharti ki vigyapan prasaran seva ka Lucknow kendra hai (ये विविध भारती की विज्ञापन प्रसारण सेवा का लखनऊ केंद्र है)". Did I ever mention that my Dad still likes to listen to All India Radio. He has kept old radios in different rooms including bathrooms, and switches them ON as per his convenience. These are those really old quadragenarian radios from Philips, Murphy Munna (yeah, that too), that are either "very loud and filled with clear sound" or "very loud and filled with only static noise". So, the sound did kick my sweet sweet sleep pretty hard. However, being Piku's papa, my inner self did squirm, but my body didn't react.

6:10 AM - "I am going to prepare tea. Get up."
"Papa, I slept very late at night; I will not be able to go today for morning walk".

5 minutes later - "Do you want to drink green tea? Otherwise I will prepare regular one" he asked again
Me - "Papa, I don't like green tea, and I didn't sleep timely. Can we skip today...zzzzz"

2 more minutes passed - "It is almost ready"
Me - "Pappaa... pleeeease "

Few more minutes later - "Do you want sugarfree or regular sugar?"
Me - ""mmffff.... grumpphhh..."

... and few more minutes - "Bittoooo..."
Me (getting up and rushing to washroom) - "I will have rusk with that"!!!

A different kind of Diwali

This Diwali was different than others in few interesting ways.

The biggest differentiator was - of course -Aadya! It was her first Diwali after all; but that wasn't the difference I was talking about.

We started with regular routine; i.e. started "discussing" about cleaning our home almost a month before Diwali. We talked about lots of cleaning activities like taking out winter wear, getting rid of cobwebs, discarding old items. This was our most detailed planning ever; but that wasn't also the difference I was talking about.

We got so absorbed in planning that we missed out the "doing" part completely.

The only activity that happened was - taking down curtains. Mind you, taking curtains down is different than washing them and then putting them back on. 

However, that still wasn't the difference I was talking about.

We bought everything at the last moment, and some items even at the "lastest" moment (like crackers on the evening of Diwali itself); but that's not at all different. It is my normal routine.

Diwali evening started as usual; we started with important tasks first, i.e. taking selfies, ensuring camera & mobiles had sufficient space and charge, and then proceeded to lesser important tasks like pooja-path.

However, I decided to do something different this time. Instead of playing crackers in our balcony like previous years, I decided to go downstairs in the park. However.... yeah you guessed it right, this wasn't the difference I was talking about.

We had been there for almost half an hour or so, when I heard a loud noise coming from somewhere. Of course, who pays attention to any noise on eve of Diwali; so I decided to keep ignoring it.

Once we ran out of crackers, we decided to visit the temple within the society before going back to our flat. It was then when I saw that the noise was coming from water falling from 4th floor of the building. Since we stay on 5th, I mentioned to wifey "looks like someone is wasting lots of water" and walked away.

When we reached back to our floor after spending few minutes in the temple, I saw residents of our adjacent flat standing in front of lift to greet us. "We have been calling you for so long, why didn't you answer", they said.

It was then when I noticed that they had floor wipers in their hands and were standing in ankle deep water.

Moment of realization - they weren't actually there to greet us (damn).

It turned out that one of the valves on water pipe had broken on our floor and water found its way inside our flats (that's why I didn't see water coming from 5th floor earlier).

So, our rest of Diwali eve was spent mopping water out of the apartment.
Yes, this Diwali was different indeed.

Aadya!

Remember the "Nanhi Pari" I told you about earlier? She has a name now - Aadya! She has many other names as well but we will save that for some other time.

Aadya turned 6 months recently and I wanted to share few things that will make you go aww for her. 

Without much ado, here are those things:

- Whenever she is in my or her mother's arms, and needs a burp; she starts looking down, silently, with a really serious face. She doesn't look back up until she feels better.

- When I pick her up after I come back from office, she treats me in a very special way. She brings her face closer to my face, and rubs her nose against mine 4-5 times. But, she does that only once. Blink and you miss it.

- When it's time to sleep during night, she would turn either side, pull up a small blanket and cover her eyes and go to sleep. It is really adorable to see a baby this small do that! 

- If she gets up early in the morning and I am still asleep (which happens everyday), she would try to reach out and slightly touch my face.

- Most of the times, I wake up to a pair of big puppy eyes looking affectionately towards me... that's one of those baby looks that melt your heart. Probably, that's how kids started getting called Sunshine :)

It's raining... my foot!

Guys, Monsoon is here!!! In Noida!

The rain brought many so many things with it: smell of freshness, clean roads, relief from sun's scorching heat.

It also brought overflowing drainages, traffic jams, flood of moths and so much extra.

This morning when I stepped out for office, I saw it was drizzling. So, instead of my Scooty Pep Plus (remember, Plus is important) I opted for taking out my car. However, after realizing that the parking would already be flooded with cars (& of course water); I decided to ride Scooty Pep Plus.

What a wise decision that was (just like my all other decisions). As soon as I reached first turn after my apartment, I saw a huge line of cars! I immediately wanted to pat my own back, but didn't do that for obvious reasons.

Without any second thought, I moved my Scooty Pep Plus to the side lane and rode away swiftly. However as soon as I turned on the main road; my feeling of wanting to pat my own back turned into feeling of wanting to kick my own back; but I couldn't do that  either, again for obvious reasons. Entire road was packed with cars & 2 wheelers; and whatever wasn't covered by a vehicle, was covered with either water or mud!

Everybody was probably thinking how to get out of this traffic, but my mind was thinking about only one thing "हे भगवान, ज़मीन पर पैर न रखना पड़े; my shoes will get wet". Since there was some distance between me and the sluggishly moving traffic, I decided to go slowmo.

Somehow I crossed that zone. On my way, I saw so many innovative ideas that I literally felt proud of fellow Indians. There was one dude, who was wearing garbage bags over his shoes... tada... insta-water-proof-footwear; and then there was this uncleji, who had rolled up his trousers upto his knees. Smartest of the block was this one girl; she had taken off her footwear and put that in compartment and was driving effortlessly. You want to know the key differentiator here - she was also riding Scooty Pep Plus.

Somehow, I was out of this mess and reached the next turn. There was water on the road but only on the right half; so I didn't have to worry about putting my shoes down. "Kick on the back" feeling turned back to "pat on the back".

However, it got washed away when I saw some idiot's speedy car zooming through the water, splashing water onto every two wheeler.

All other cars were being considerate and driving slow, but this dude provided me a visual representation of "एक मछली सारे तालाब को गन्दा कर देती है".

Now I wasn't worried about my shoes; I was worried about my laptop and prayed to almighty to send a decent 4 wheeler by my side. I think God overheard me and sent a truck instead. So, riding side by side with the truck I crossed this road too.

Pretty soon my office was in sight and I was praying "almost there". It was just then, when, I noticed that the traffic outside office had come to a halt and the entire road was flooded. There was no option but to soak my sport shoes in cold, muddy, black water!

However, God had indeed overheard me earlier, and this time when I came to a halt, I was standing next to an auto rickshaw. So instead of putting my foot on road, I took auto's support and reached office with a song echoing in my head "शान से! शान से! शान से!!!".

मैं बहुत परेशान था - 2

पहले मैं बहुत परेशान रहता था !

मेरे घर के बगल में एक खाली प्लाट है , वहां रोज़ कोई कचरा डाल जाता था!

इससे मेरे घर में बदबू भरी रहने लगी थी!

मेरे घरवाले मुझसे दूर होने लगे थे!!

मेरे दोस्त मुझे गन्दा बच्चा कहके बुलाने लगे थे!!

मैंने बहुत कोशिश करी, मगर कुछ ठीक नहीं हो रहा था!

मैंने पड़ोसियों को मना किया कोई फायदा नहीं हुआ!

मैंने बोर्ड भी लगाया मगर फिर भी कोई फायदा नहीं हुआ!!

फिर एक दिन 

मुझे एक आईडिया आया 

और मैंने उस रात को उस खाली प्लाट के आगे 

2 अंडे फोड़ के  डाल दिए और थोड़ा सिन्दूर भी फैला दिया !!!

और उस दिन से मेरी दुनिया बदल सी गयी है!

अब कोई वहां कचरा नहीं डालता !!

मेरा घर भी  खुशबू से महकता है!!

अब मेरे दोस्त भी मेरे घर आने से नहीं कतराते !!

 अब मैं हर अमावस की रात ये काम कर देता हूँ!

ये तरीका मार्किट में उपलब्ध बाकी सारे तरीकों से सस्ता भी है और कारगर भी!!!

थैंक यू अंडे और सिन्दूर बेचने वालों!!!

Ramayana - the bedtime version

Piku has a habit of listening to bedtime stories every night. Most of the time his demand is to tell him a new story, and my stock has ran out.

Sometimes I try to trick him by telling a story that I told him 2-3 years back, but believe me - kids have a very sharp memory on this.
I might be able to trick him by sweet talking and getting agreed to listen to an old story again; but passing an old story as a new one has never worked for me.

So, a couple of days ago, I decided to tell him story of Ramayana in small chunks, so that I could cover as many days as possible.

However I failed to take into account the fact, that these stories work as lullaby for me better than him; and last night I was specially sleepy. In fact, I was dozing off already before I started.

So, the story wasn't actually a story as most of us know it. Here is an excerpt from the Sita's swayamvar:

"Then Lord Rama took Shiva's bow and held it with one hand. Then he tried to bend it a little" .... zzz .... (few seconds snooze here)... "and then he picked up the bow with one hand, and tried to bend it"
Then few more seconds pretending to trying to remember what happened next.

Piku got slightly confused (coz he was paying attention) "Papa, why did Ram Ji pick the bow up twice?"

I immediately covered up "No beta, he picked the bow up only once. I said it twice to make it sound nicer." That was smart, right? Given the fact that I was already drifting away in sleep, that was really smart (all hail self-praise)

"Ummm.. Ok. What happened next?" said not-so-convinced Piku. (Kid's way of saying "whatever")

"So, where was I? Oh yes, I remember. So, when Lord Rama took Shiva's bow and picked it up with one hand and then, and then, and then"....zzz.... "do you know what happened next Beta?"

"He tried to bend it"... though I couldn't see Piku's face when he said it, but I can very well imagine it now.

...zzzz... "Yes, that's exactly what happened! So, Lord Ram picked up Shiva's bow and bent it a little to string it. However the string was slightly short, so he bent it more. String was still short, so he bent it more.... and more.. zzz"

"Papa, you are sleeping, right?"

"No Piku, I'm thinking..snort snort... trying to remember"

"No, you are sleeping. I don't want to listen anymore"

... zzz .... snort...

Wifey tugged me slightly "what are you doing?"

"Huh.. yeah.. so, Lord Rama bent it more" - I said without knowing what Piku said... "and more and then it broke apart with a very very loud noise... zzz... "

"Hawww... what happened then papa?"
I think I dozed off for almost half a minute there.
"Papa?"
"Papaaaa..."


I woke up and said "The bow broke and the noise echoed in the entire production environment"

"Whattttt??? I don't understand Papa. The noise echoed where?"

"I said that when the bow broke, its noise echoed in entire world. Lord Parshurama heard it too and came there and angrily spoke - who broke my bow?"

I continued the story "Who broke my bow? I will behead that person"... zzz ... " and then Lord Rama replied - I did it by mistake, but don't worry; it can easily be fixed by providing correct path of the jar file in classpath."

That fellas, was the end of the story (because nobody spoke anything after that)!!!

मैं बहुत परेशान था - 1

पहले मैं बहुत परेशान रहता था !

मेरी बाइक में मैं जो भी कपड़ा रखता कोई उसे चुरा ले जाता था!

इससे मेरी बाइक गंदी  रह जाती थी!

और रोज़ मेरी पैंट भी खराब हो जाती थी!

मेरी गर्लफ्रेंड भी मुझसे नाराज़ रहने लगी!

मैंने बहुत कोशिश की उसे मानाने की पर वो नहीं मान रही थी!

अब लग रहा था की सब कुछ ख़त्म हो रहा है!

फिर एक दिन 

मुझे मिला 

मेरा

**** पुराना अंडरवियर! ****

और उस दिन से मेरी दुनिया बदल सी गयी है!

अब कोई मेरी बाइक से कपड़ा नहीं चुराता!

मेरी पैंट भी साफ़ रहती है!

और मेरी गर्लफ्रेंड भी वापस आ गयी है!

अगर आप भी परेशान हैं अपनी बाइक से कपड़ा  चोरी होने से 

तो देर मत कीजिये,

अभी ढूंढिये अपना पुराना  अंडरवियर !

और देखिये अपनी आँखों के सामने अपनी दुनिया को बदलते हुए!!

थैंक यू मेरे पुराने अंडरवियर!

Chanta Laga

Me and few school friends were chatting recently and were laughing over various childhood memories. Here is one of them -

When I graduated to 6th grade, my father got me enrolled into HAL School, Lucknow. It took sometime to secure the admission and hence I was nearly 2 months late in joining school. As expected, I was pretty nervous on my first day.

Picture this - a young boy coming from a small school (which had all the classrooms on a single floor in a single building) who hasn't seen any big school in his life, enters a large school.
You can imagine his bewilderment from the first sentence that he told his mother after school - "Mummy, this school is so big that they couldn't fit all kids in one class. They had to create many sections for each class". कितना मासूम था न मैं!

So, on my first day in school, I (the masoom boy) was escorted to the class and the class teacher introduced me to everybody. First lecture passed alright. Since I was already 2 months behind the syllabus so I didn't understand anything.

Then, 2nd lecture started - Mathematics. Our maths teacher was Siddiqui sir and he had a peculiar way of announcing his entrance in the class. From the time he entered into the class, and till the time he got settled, he would point random students and ask for random values in multiplication table.
It was like - "you - 17 X 7 = ?", "you - 12 X 3 = ?", "you - 19 X 4 = ?". Needless to say, everyone had multiplication tables on their fingertips.

Like many other kids, I was already afraid of maths at that time, and when I saw Siddiqui sir's way of teaching - I was scared witless. Also, I knew only tables upto 10 at that time; so that was another nail in the coffin!

Pretty soon, he started his lecture in regular way and wrote a question on the black board. Then he turned around and started looking at the class. I don't know whether it was my good looks or bad luck; of all the regular students, he picked me up for solving that. Later I learnt that it was neither my looks nor my luck - it was my stupidity that I was the only one looking at him; everyone else was avoiding eye contact with him.

Of course, I didn't understand the problem at all. While I was walking towards the black board I heard some boys saying "सर, नया है! सर, नया है!". I didn't understand that either.

Seconds later, I was standing there, in front of entire class, with a chalk in my hand and looking dumbfounded.
Before I could say something there was a sound - "Chataak"!!!
Seconds later, I was still standing there, in front of entire class, with one hand still holding the chalk and other hand over my cheek; and still looking dumbfounded.

I went back to my seat without making eye contact with anyone (lesson learnt) and didn't look up. Meanwhile, someone else was solving the problem on the board.

After 5 minutes or so, I heard "You! Hey You". The kid sitting next to me poked me lightly and I looked up and saw Siddiqui Sir pointing to me.

"Yes sir?" I stood up thinking "अभी और भी बेइज्जती होनी है क्या"
"You are new" he said. It took me a second or two to understand that he was asking not telling.
"Yes Sir".
"Ok, Sit down"
... and that my friends, my grandest entry to any gathering, ever! Not quite what one would expect, right?

I sat down with this dialogue echoing in my head "Dr. Dang Ko pehli baar kisi ne thappad maara hai, First time. Is Thappad ki goonj suni tumne? Ab is goonj ki goonj tumhe sunai degi. Rana mujhe tumhaara thappad bhoolega nahi". It's pretty easy to guess the movie, right? Well, I was able to relate to it completely!

Mere Ghar Aayi...

Friends, as most of you already know that we've been blessed with a baby girl recently; and that explains the title - मेरे घर आई एक नन्ही परी|

But that isn't all. With the little baby, came many other things like sweet (& sour) remembrances of Piku's infancy days; i.e. mere ghar aayi yaadon ki potli, toothless smile, sleepless nights, line of diapers, frequent visits to paediatrician etc etc.

Since I claim myself to be a man of planning, I had already thought about these (please don't say thinking and planning are different). However, what I didn't think of - li'll princess also brought a big brother in the house; I mean - Piku is a big brother now.

Mind you, me & Ankita did think about issues that occur with single child who becomes an elder sibling. Issues like Piku feeling neglected, becoming rude, feeling dejected; but we definitely did not think about the positive effects of him becoming a big brother. Who plans for good things anyway; we only worry about failures :)

When Piku first heard that he has got a little baby sister, he was slightly disappointed. Why? Because he was expecting 3 brothers like Huey, Dewey and Louie from Ducktales; but was delighted when he saw the "chhoti behan".

Can you guess what was his first sentence after he saw the little baby? He said "She is too small; can I watch TV now?". And I thought " That's my boy! Wait, what? Did he just ask for TV. That's truly my boy!!!"

And since then he has been showing remarkable capabilities that he has inherited from his Mom - he has been taking excellent care of the baby. He knows where the supplies are kept; when are they running out; when it's too cold for the baby; when she is hungry and .... best of all...  he can tell when the little baby needs a diaper change!!! Forget me; sometimes Piku beats his mother at this. Even if we don't want to, he would challenge us to look at the baby's diaper and win every single time!

... and that brings us back to title of this post with a new meaning - मेरे घर आई......... एक नन्ही आया!!!

Partiality - the other angle

If you are thinking that this is a sequel to my previous post "Partiality", then you're right. But, if you think that this post presents wifey's version instead of mine, then you're mistaken. I'm still at the receiving end; sender has changed from my wife to my son.

One day, me and Ankita were arguing about who is a better parent. She was putting up her arguments in her favor and I was trying to prove my superiority.

My strongest point was "Piku gets super-excited whenever I return from office" and wifey countered "that's just because there is a gap of so many hours".

"Nurturing a young one requires great understanding, and greater patience. If you've to look after him for entire day, you won't stand a chance" she added.

I said "Let's try this on coming Saturday. I will take care of him for entire day".

"Fine; but remember - watching TV is not an option" she trumped me. My plan was ruined even before finalization.

So I said "let's leave this to the kid; let him decide".
"Piku, who you love more - Mumma or Papa" we asked Piku who was slaying some imaginary Power Ranger villain.

Without looking at us he said "Papa!"

"Yay..." I rejoiced with an ear to ear grin. Wifey was taken aback and she asked him "Why Beta; doesn't Mumma love you more"?

"Of course you do. माँ  के अंदर आत्मा होती है,  दिमाग होता है और भगवान होते हैं. Mom has Soul and Brain and GOD..." replied Piku.
"... and what about Papa" I asked nervously.
Without listening to my question, he continued " but Papa needs more love because पापा के अंदर सिर्फ आत्मा होती है… he has only soul!!!"

This is how I felt in the end

Partiality

Do you often face injustice? Are others getting "special" treatment? Do you feel like being treated as second citizen? If answer to all these questions is "yes", then I've another question for you - does it happen at your home also? :) If your answer is still "yes", then I've a news that might make you feel better - you're not alone - मेरी भी वही हालत है, I'm in the same situation :)

However, the discrimination that I've to face at home is getting intolerable. Being an engineer, I can state my problem as a theorem: 

If same request is made by me and my son Piku to my wife Ankita, mine would be denied and Piku's would be approved. 

Seriously, I can prove this! Let me use hypothesis testing for this. If I sound nerdy, I meant - let me tell you few incidents :)

Incident One - 

There are a few dishes that have a love-hate status in my house. I love them and wifey hates 'em. So, as expected, those don't get prepared very often. 

Last year when wifey was at Lucknow and I was in U.S., she told me over phone "today I've made one of your favourite dish".

I thought that since we haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, she must be missing me.

With affection oozing in every word, I said "Missing me 'eh. Is it love?"

Got a flat response instead "Nah, not really. Piku wanted to eat that".

I couldn't understand whether I should be sad that I've been neglected or should be happy because now people liking this dish are a majority in my house.

Incident Two - Someday few weeks ago:

Me - Madammm, can you please get me some water (notice the respectful language ;-) )

Wifey - I'm busy.

Me - I'm doing some work and can't get up right now. (Pssst.. I will let you in a secret - I was actually watching Arnold Schwarzenegger getting geared up with all kinds of heavy weapons in Commando; the scene that has been fascination for so many boys)

Wifey - No, you're watching TV and I'm in kitchen. Plus, my hands are dirty.

Me - But that's the point; you're already in the kitchen. So it would be easier for...

Wifey interrupted me and said - OK. I will get it whenever I'm done here.... (some muffled murmur continued)...

Piku - Mummaaaaaaaa... I'm thirsty.

Wifey magically appeared with a glass of water and one clean hand

Me - What about my water?

Wifey - You can drink whatever he leaves in the glass (and went back to kitchen); if you still need more, I will get it whenever I'm free.

Incident Three - Yesterday

Me - Can you come here please.

Answer - Why?

Me - Come here, I want to show you something

Wifey - What is it?

Me- I can show you only if you come here.

Wifey - I'm busy.

Piku - Mommmmm.... 

Wifey (comes to us and says) - What happened beta?

Piku (with an innocent smile) - Nothing, I was missing you; आपकी  याद आ रही थी .

Wifey (with sugar coated smile) - My sweet beta... (and planted a kiss on his cheek).

This was too much for me. I stopped her from going back and asked "Why this partiality with me?"

She said "what are you talking about?"

I went on explaining the theory and quoted these examples and asked again "Tell me. Why are you being partial to me?"

She responded with a smirk "Piku has a blood relation with me :-D"

Wrong train

This is an old incident which is still afresh in my mind. I was supposed to go to Bhopal from Lucknow from Raptisagar express. However things turned up differently because I accidentally  boarded a wrong train (I've perfect explanation for that, but that is capable of being an entirely different post).

As the train left Lucknow station, an elderly uncle asked me if I could swap my lower berth with his upper one and I happily agreed to that. Pretty soon I was dozing off only to be awakened by an argument between some co passengers. The train had reached Kanpur, and it took me a couple of minutes to realize that the new passenger was arguing with the elderly uncle for my seat :)

I stepped in the argument confidently only to realize that I'm in a wrong train. By this time the train had left Kanpur station and was in outskirts of the city. I picked up my bag and rushed towards the door to see if there is any other upcoming station.

The train was moving sluggishly; and since I knew that I was still within the city limits, I decided to get down - from the moving train (yes, I thought so). However as soon as I decided this, there was a small jerk and train started gaining speed. Without any other thought, I immediately threw my bag out and jumped against one of those "Abandoned" houses on the field (yes, I DID THAT!!!); only to find that the train had stopped (the jerk I felt was because train was slowing down).

"Happens!!!", I convinced myself with a shrug, picked up my bag and hurried across the field. Afterwards, hired a rickshaw to reach the road, then got onto an auto to reach highway and then got onto a tempo that took me to main Kanpur station.

I rushed inside the station only to find the Ratisagar Express moving in front of my eyes!!!






















This doesn't end here... upon seeing that the train is still in front of my eyes, I ran with my all might towards it when another guy stopped me "What the hell you think you're doing".
"my train, जा  रही है…  its leaving"
"जा  नहीं रही मालिक आ रही है… its arriving" (now I know how a facepalm with a sigh of relief feels like)!!!

Oh God! What have you done?

"Oh God! What have you done!" - this is exactly what it "literally" means and not what it "probably" means.

Most people would think that this is what probably what we are yelling at Piku; but actually, this is what Piku tells God these days - "Oh God, what have you done".

This started sometime back when we started trying to inflict moral values in Piku; and we thought of using bedtime stories as the prime source to do this.

However, this was easier said than done due to 2 reasons:
1- We had to come up with a brand new story every time
2- He would often not understand the moral value and would just enjoy the story

However, we found out yesterday that he understood the morale every time, but used it only when it was in his favor :)

Yesterday when we were having lunch, he was trying to get away without eating. So all of a sudden, he opened a water bottle, kept its cap on the table, and flicked it. As soon as the cap hit the ground, he started crying (घड़ियाली आंसू ) - "Oh God! What have you done!!!! Everything is Bhagwan Vishnu's fault..."

I was dumbstruck "Hainnnn....".

And Piku explained "You told me that Bhagwan Vishnu controls everything. So he made this cap, he made me; and he made me flick this cap".

This should have angered me, but instead I felt proud. In some other scenario, he would've got a slap on the cheek or pat on the back; but he got what he actually wanted - he got away with the lunch!

What's in a (nick) name?

Yes, this post is similar to my previous post "Whats in a name?", but this time its not about my son.

One day me & wifey were going to pick up Piku from school after yet another short argument about yet another nothing (कहानी घर घर की).

The situation was tensed and silence wasn't helping either, so I thought to start a light-hearted conversation and wittingly said "Biwi..."! That was the end of wittiness because wifey stopped me in between "Don't call me that"!

I said: "Why, what's the problem?"
Wifey: "That sounds disrespectful"

Me: "But, I am not being disrespectful"
Wifey: "You are! And you will never understand my feelings"

Me: "Hain!" I thought "this dialogue should be the last one; how come it came at 2nd position today"

"OK, I will call you ... "
Wifey: "and don't call me wifey either" (she read my mind before I could speak)
Me: "Wifey... oops. Now, what is wrong in wifey?"
Wifey: "You're just trying to appear cool but giving me same treatment"

Me: "C'mon. What should I call you then?"
Wifey: "I have a name"

Me: "That would sound formal. I want to use something that reflects affection"
Wifey: "Please don't even try. I know you'll come up with another way of hurting my sentiments"

Me: "No no; I won't do that again" (do you guys see a confession here; she did!)
Wifey: "Don't try to trick me. I know you better than you know yourself"

Me: "OK, here is the deal. I will give you options and will go with the one that you approve."
The tension seemed to be moving away now.
Wifey: "OK"

Me: "Piku ki Mumma"
Wifey: "No, I have my own identity"

Me: "Don't you love being called your kid's mother"
Wifey: "See, you are doing it again"
Me: "Doing what?"
Wifey: "Trying to offend"

Me: "OK, let me think of another option". I quickly changed the subject (does anyone see another hidden confession? She did! Details hidden on-purpose :D )

Me: "Begum"
Wifey: "No, too traditional"

Me: "but this is perfect, I want you to be without any gum (which means sorrow in Urdu). You see बे-ग़म, without any sorrow"
Wifey (smiling): "ummmm"

I thought "she is smiling and ummm is not a valid word. I'm winning. +1 to myself " and said "yes, this is perfect; I'm going to call you Begum now onwards. Begum Begum Begum"
Wifey: "Ok, ok. Focus on your driving"

Me: "Yes, Begum is the word."
"I will call you with such names only"
"Without any sorrow... BeGum (बेग़म)"
"Without any worry... BeFikar (बेफ़िक्र )"

"Without any pain.... BeDARD (बेदर्द )". That, my friends was end of discussion :-|

You're Welcome?

In India, we are taught since childhood that when someone says "Thank you", we should respond
- "You're welcome".

However after coming to US, I saw that the common culture is - if someone says "Thank you", people respond
- "No Problem".

Last week, while I was waiting for billing at one of the stores with a friend; we started talking about this difference.
I was saying that "you're welcome" is better whereas he preferred "No Problem".

My argument was that "No Problem" is somewhat rude because it sounds like obliging, whereas my friend was saying "You're Welcome" means inviting more trouble.

In short - we were talking nonsense :-D

While we were discussing this very important aspect of life; a lady behind me in the queue requested if she could get her payment done first; and I agreed.

She said "Thank you", and I heard myself saying "You're problem".... 

How cold could it be!

Wisconsin is supposed to be one of the coldest places in US; and the winter is approaching very fast. Oh, it's already here! See, how fast that was :)

So, when I was heading back to Milwaukee from DC last Friday, some friends warned me that the weekend was expected to be very cold. I asked "how cold could it be" and the answer was "maybe 8 degrees".

I shrugged my shoulders and thought "Huh, it's same as in India! Its just that Americans speak Fahrenheit, and we talk Celsius. Anyhow, how cold could it be."

When I got off from the plane - I saw that everyone was wearing soft/fluffy/warm winter-wear with gloves/ear muffs/headband/what-not. However, when I get off from the plane what did people see? They saw a guy coming out of a plane wearing half t-shirt & jeans, who should have been covered from tip to toe. They had no idea that the guy was silently chanting the secret-mantra "how cold could it be".

I stepped out of the airport and could see my breath; but still it wasn't cold enough. Why? Because the SUN was still out there! So..... how cold could it be.

It was hardly 2 minutes of wait for the cab outside when I took out my mobile, and started typing "8 degrees fahrenheit in..." and then put the mobile back in the pocket, without even completing the Google search.

Why? Not because I saw my cab.
Because - I couldn't feel my fingers anymore!

Now, I know how cold could it be. Oh, and by the way, 8 °F is little more than -13 °C.

Niagara Trip

We went to Niagara falls few months back, and contrary to the expectation, neither we drove, nor we flew. In fact, we traveled via bus (Greyhound) and train (Amtrak); and that was a good decision.

That trip made me aware of some facts like:
- there are buses that are WiFi equipped these days
- there are trains that have better seats than a movie theater
- there are apps that let you check whether forecast before stepping out
- there are no apps that remind you not to forget your jacket at home just before stepping out. Put simply, I left my jacket at home and weather turned chilly (d'oh stupid)!

If you visit Niagara falls, the no.1 attraction would be "Maid of the mist" (it is a boat ride that takes you almost inside the waterfall). Those who have been there will differ with me, because the best attraction according to most people is "Cave of the Winds" (this is the place that gets you closest to the fall, on foot!). However, I would still say that boat ride was best because I couldn't go to the "Cave of the Winds" :)

When we were heading towards the boat, I looked at the waterfall and said to another Indori "it seems someone released the water in Choral (भिया, लगता है कि चोरल नदी में पानी छोड़ दिया)".

After a small walk, we got on the boat and it started moving slowly towards the horse-shoe shaped waterfall and we got an excellent view of the waterfall; every body was like "awww". The view was really breathtaking.

In some time, we were nearing the waterfall, and started experiencing water droplets on our face. The view was now eye-catching - my eyes were actually catching water drops. The "awww" sound quieted down a bit. Hey, I'm not trying to say that people were scared. No! No one was scared, no one. There was nothing scary at all. Still the "awww" quieted down.

After some more time, I felt that we were almost inside the waterfall, and the boat was still progressing ahead. Few more minutes passed, and the boat was still moving forward. It was water everywhere. Crowd's "awww" was sounding more like "aaaa.....".
I thought I would be able to touch the wall behind the fall any minute now:

Few more minutes passed and the boat was still moving. I almost heard myself saying "ओ भियो, उस पार ले जाओगे क्या?"

I said to Piku "do you like it"? He didn't reply but his mom did. She said "he is down". My heart missed a beat for a second as I frantically looked down in the water. Wifey noticed this and tapped me on shoulder and pointed "down" towards my feet. I didn't notice earlier, but Pikka master had decided to miss the "super enchanting" view and stay down. I wouldn't blame him because even I felt that I've seen enough water for an entire year.

After enjoying enough water for entire year, we decided to get something to eat. So we came to the main road and the first eatery joint we saw was - an Indian Restaurant.... owned by a Punjabi.

Wifey said "now I know why you always referred Canada as Chhota Punjab"!