Ramayana - the bedtime version

Piku has a habit of listening to bedtime stories every night. Most of the time his demand is to tell him a new story, and my stock has ran out.

Sometimes I try to trick him by telling a story that I told him 2-3 years back, but believe me - kids have a very sharp memory on this.
I might be able to trick him by sweet talking and getting agreed to listen to an old story again; but passing an old story as a new one has never worked for me.

So, a couple of days ago, I decided to tell him story of Ramayana in small chunks, so that I could cover as many days as possible.

However I failed to take into account the fact, that these stories work as lullaby for me better than him; and last night I was specially sleepy. In fact, I was dozing off already before I started.

So, the story wasn't actually a story as most of us know it. Here is an excerpt from the Sita's swayamvar:

"Then Lord Rama took Shiva's bow and held it with one hand. Then he tried to bend it a little" .... zzz .... (few seconds snooze here)... "and then he picked up the bow with one hand, and tried to bend it"
Then few more seconds pretending to trying to remember what happened next.

Piku got slightly confused (coz he was paying attention) "Papa, why did Ram Ji pick the bow up twice?"

I immediately covered up "No beta, he picked the bow up only once. I said it twice to make it sound nicer." That was smart, right? Given the fact that I was already drifting away in sleep, that was really smart (all hail self-praise)

"Ummm.. Ok. What happened next?" said not-so-convinced Piku. (Kid's way of saying "whatever")

"So, where was I? Oh yes, I remember. So, when Lord Rama took Shiva's bow and picked it up with one hand and then, and then, and then"....zzz.... "do you know what happened next Beta?"

"He tried to bend it"... though I couldn't see Piku's face when he said it, but I can very well imagine it now.

...zzzz... "Yes, that's exactly what happened! So, Lord Ram picked up Shiva's bow and bent it a little to string it. However the string was slightly short, so he bent it more. String was still short, so he bent it more.... and more.. zzz"

"Papa, you are sleeping, right?"

"No Piku, I'm thinking..snort snort... trying to remember"

"No, you are sleeping. I don't want to listen anymore"

... zzz .... snort...

Wifey tugged me slightly "what are you doing?"

"Huh.. yeah.. so, Lord Rama bent it more" - I said without knowing what Piku said... "and more and then it broke apart with a very very loud noise... zzz... "

"Hawww... what happened then papa?"
I think I dozed off for almost half a minute there.
"Papa?"
"Papaaaa..."


I woke up and said "The bow broke and the noise echoed in the entire production environment"

"Whattttt??? I don't understand Papa. The noise echoed where?"

"I said that when the bow broke, its noise echoed in entire world. Lord Parshurama heard it too and came there and angrily spoke - who broke my bow?"

I continued the story "Who broke my bow? I will behead that person"... zzz ... " and then Lord Rama replied - I did it by mistake, but don't worry; it can easily be fixed by providing correct path of the jar file in classpath."

That fellas, was the end of the story (because nobody spoke anything after that)!!!

Mere Ghar Aayi...

Friends, as most of you already know that we've been blessed with a baby girl recently; and that explains the title - मेरे घर आई एक नन्ही परी|

But that isn't all. With the little baby, came many other things like sweet (& sour) remembrances of Piku's infancy days; i.e. mere ghar aayi yaadon ki potli, toothless smile, sleepless nights, line of diapers, frequent visits to paediatrician etc etc.

Since I claim myself to be a man of planning, I had already thought about these (please don't say thinking and planning are different). However, what I didn't think of - li'll princess also brought a big brother in the house; I mean - Piku is a big brother now.

Mind you, me & Ankita did think about issues that occur with single child who becomes an elder sibling. Issues like Piku feeling neglected, becoming rude, feeling dejected; but we definitely did not think about the positive effects of him becoming a big brother. Who plans for good things anyway; we only worry about failures :)

When Piku first heard that he has got a little baby sister, he was slightly disappointed. Why? Because he was expecting 3 brothers like Huey, Dewey and Louie from Ducktales; but was delighted when he saw the "chhoti behan".

Can you guess what was his first sentence after he saw the little baby? He said "She is too small; can I watch TV now?". And I thought " That's my boy! Wait, what? Did he just ask for TV. That's truly my boy!!!"

And since then he has been showing remarkable capabilities that he has inherited from his Mom - he has been taking excellent care of the baby. He knows where the supplies are kept; when are they running out; when it's too cold for the baby; when she is hungry and .... best of all...  he can tell when the little baby needs a diaper change!!! Forget me; sometimes Piku beats his mother at this. Even if we don't want to, he would challenge us to look at the baby's diaper and win every single time!

... and that brings us back to title of this post with a new meaning - मेरे घर आई......... एक नन्ही आया!!!

Partiality - the other angle

If you are thinking that this is a sequel to my previous post "Partiality", then you're right. But, if you think that this post presents wifey's version instead of mine, then you're mistaken. I'm still at the receiving end; sender has changed from my wife to my son.

One day, me and Ankita were arguing about who is a better parent. She was putting up her arguments in her favor and I was trying to prove my superiority.

My strongest point was "Piku gets super-excited whenever I return from office" and wifey countered "that's just because there is a gap of so many hours".

"Nurturing a young one requires great understanding, and greater patience. If you've to look after him for entire day, you won't stand a chance" she added.

I said "Let's try this on coming Saturday. I will take care of him for entire day".

"Fine; but remember - watching TV is not an option" she trumped me. My plan was ruined even before finalization.

So I said "let's leave this to the kid; let him decide".
"Piku, who you love more - Mumma or Papa" we asked Piku who was slaying some imaginary Power Ranger villain.

Without looking at us he said "Papa!"

"Yay..." I rejoiced with an ear to ear grin. Wifey was taken aback and she asked him "Why Beta; doesn't Mumma love you more"?

"Of course you do. माँ  के अंदर आत्मा होती है,  दिमाग होता है और भगवान होते हैं. Mom has Soul and Brain and GOD..." replied Piku.
"... and what about Papa" I asked nervously.
Without listening to my question, he continued " but Papa needs more love because पापा के अंदर सिर्फ आत्मा होती है… he has only soul!!!"

This is how I felt in the end

Partiality

Do you often face injustice? Are others getting "special" treatment? Do you feel like being treated as second citizen? If answer to all these questions is "yes", then I've another question for you - does it happen at your home also? :) If your answer is still "yes", then I've a news that might make you feel better - you're not alone - मेरी भी वही हालत है, I'm in the same situation :)

However, the discrimination that I've to face at home is getting intolerable. Being an engineer, I can state my problem as a theorem: 

If same request is made by me and my son Piku to my wife Ankita, mine would be denied and Piku's would be approved. 

Seriously, I can prove this! Let me use hypothesis testing for this. If I sound nerdy, I meant - let me tell you few incidents :)

Incident One - 

There are a few dishes that have a love-hate status in my house. I love them and wifey hates 'em. So, as expected, those don't get prepared very often. 

Last year when wifey was at Lucknow and I was in U.S., she told me over phone "today I've made one of your favourite dish".

I thought that since we haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, she must be missing me.

With affection oozing in every word, I said "Missing me 'eh. Is it love?"

Got a flat response instead "Nah, not really. Piku wanted to eat that".

I couldn't understand whether I should be sad that I've been neglected or should be happy because now people liking this dish are a majority in my house.

Incident Two - Someday few weeks ago:

Me - Madammm, can you please get me some water (notice the respectful language ;-) )

Wifey - I'm busy.

Me - I'm doing some work and can't get up right now. (Pssst.. I will let you in a secret - I was actually watching Arnold Schwarzenegger getting geared up with all kinds of heavy weapons in Commando; the scene that has been fascination for so many boys)

Wifey - No, you're watching TV and I'm in kitchen. Plus, my hands are dirty.

Me - But that's the point; you're already in the kitchen. So it would be easier for...

Wifey interrupted me and said - OK. I will get it whenever I'm done here.... (some muffled murmur continued)...

Piku - Mummaaaaaaaa... I'm thirsty.

Wifey magically appeared with a glass of water and one clean hand

Me - What about my water?

Wifey - You can drink whatever he leaves in the glass (and went back to kitchen); if you still need more, I will get it whenever I'm free.

Incident Three - Yesterday

Me - Can you come here please.

Answer - Why?

Me - Come here, I want to show you something

Wifey - What is it?

Me- I can show you only if you come here.

Wifey - I'm busy.

Piku - Mommmmm.... 

Wifey (comes to us and says) - What happened beta?

Piku (with an innocent smile) - Nothing, I was missing you; आपकी  याद आ रही थी .

Wifey (with sugar coated smile) - My sweet beta... (and planted a kiss on his cheek).

This was too much for me. I stopped her from going back and asked "Why this partiality with me?"

She said "what are you talking about?"

I went on explaining the theory and quoted these examples and asked again "Tell me. Why are you being partial to me?"

She responded with a smirk "Piku has a blood relation with me :-D"

Oh God! What have you done?

"Oh God! What have you done!" - this is exactly what it "literally" means and not what it "probably" means.

Most people would think that this is what probably what we are yelling at Piku; but actually, this is what Piku tells God these days - "Oh God, what have you done".

This started sometime back when we started trying to inflict moral values in Piku; and we thought of using bedtime stories as the prime source to do this.

However, this was easier said than done due to 2 reasons:
1- We had to come up with a brand new story every time
2- He would often not understand the moral value and would just enjoy the story

However, we found out yesterday that he understood the morale every time, but used it only when it was in his favor :)

Yesterday when we were having lunch, he was trying to get away without eating. So all of a sudden, he opened a water bottle, kept its cap on the table, and flicked it. As soon as the cap hit the ground, he started crying (घड़ियाली आंसू ) - "Oh God! What have you done!!!! Everything is Bhagwan Vishnu's fault..."

I was dumbstruck "Hainnnn....".

And Piku explained "You told me that Bhagwan Vishnu controls everything. So he made this cap, he made me; and he made me flick this cap".

This should have angered me, but instead I felt proud. In some other scenario, he would've got a slap on the cheek or pat on the back; but he got what he actually wanted - he got away with the lunch!

Piku goes to America

Of late, we have been avoiding overreacting to his misdeeds in public; and somehow Piku became aware of this. However, we weren't aware of his awareness until we boarded the flight to US.

As soon as we got to our seats (we just got there, weren't even seated), Piku started showing his true colours.

"Don't put my bag in that cabin, put it here".
"Beta, there is..."
"Nooooooo... my bag....." (he didn't even let me finish my sentence "Beta, there is...not enough room.... ")

Seeing many heads turning to find out the source of noise, I quickly moved his smaller bag to a large cabin and stuffed my bag into a relatively small one.
I had barely sat down when one of the air hostess came and spoke with certain displeasure "Sir, your bag is too large for that cabin"; and then promptly swapped the bags.

I just sat there quietly, feeling somewhat insulted and somewhat frustrated that this time Piku didn't complain about his bag.
However, as soon as she was out of sight I heard:
"Waaaaaa... my bag......."
"Piku, my bag is too big for that cabin" I tried to explain (साम)
"Why did you move my bag?"
"Aunty ne kiya.. .look she did that"... Ankita came to rescue, pointing towards the air hostess.
"I want it back"
"Sit down quietly otherwise... " I took the usual route (दंड)
"Waaaaaaa.............."
"Shhh... she will get us down (भय)..." I changed my tone
"Waaaaaaa.............."
"Achha dekho ye kya hai... arey ye to remote hai (दाम)... isse video game... " I bit my tongue for what I was about to say.

"Video GAME!!!!!... mujhe khelna hai" ... I was too late for biting my tongue; damage was already done..
So, I tried to handle the situation and said: "Wait, till the plane takes off... right now it is turned off... "
"Nahi... Abhiiiiiiiiii khelna hai.... "

It was enough for me. I said "Piku, behave your self. Otherwise you'll get a SLAP".

Without missing a beat, Piku replied " and you will get JAIL"!!!

Barfi

Yesternight, while I was going home, "Main kya karoon" song from movie "Barfi" was being aired on FM.

I started humming the song along, but didn't notice when I twisted the lyrics. So, I present to you, the customized lyrics...

"Chhutku mera, bas mein nahi...
Pehle kabhi, aisa hota tha nahi...
Koi bataye iss Piku ka ab main kya karoon...

Kehne pe, chalta nahi;
Kuch dino se, meri bilkul sunta nahi....
Koi to bataye iss Piku ka main, uff ab main kya karoon, main kya karoon... arey kya karoon.....koi to batao bhai ki kya karoon... pit jayega mujhse isliye jaldi bata do ki kya karoon..." :-D

The 3 Angry Birds

Did you know Angry Birds is the most popular video game these days.... I knew, but never thought of the havoc it can create in real life.

So, it happened this Sunday when we were visiting a supermarket. While we were looking for other important stuff, Piku caught glimpse of Chuck, the famous yellow coloured "angry bird' on one of the boxes.

"Papa, I want angry bird game" he said... I chose to ignore any kind of sound voicing similar to this and hurried towards the next aisle.

Piku repeated with a louder voice "Paapaaa... angry bird". I don't know whether it was the sentence's literal meaning or the devil inside made me do this, I looked at him and pointed towards his mother saying "Beta you've already got one". Unfortunately, wifey saw me through the corner of her eye and I immediately fired a correction turning the pointing finger towards myself "Beta you've already got me. Me... you've already got me!".

"He he he... I was just teasing him" I tried to justify. "I was really teasing him" came another justification. "I was pointing towards me only" yet another one. "Shut up" my brain told my blabbering mouth but another alibi came out "I was not pointing towards you...". The brain fired next instructions to my hands (to cover my mouth), but it was too late till then because the mouth had already blurted: "I mean, I was not calling you an angry bird".

Anyhow, dear wifey (the 1st angry bird) decided to ignore all this for the moment ( read - save it for later), and spoke to Piku "we will get you this game, but you will have to be a good boy till tomorrow".

Piku said "I'm a good boy, now can I have angry birds game?"

I said "No, you'll have to be a good boy till tomorrow; and you will have to promise that you will not cry".

Piku immediately made one of those BIGGG-innocence-filled-eyes expressions and said "Pleeeeezzz papaaaaa....I will not cry, now can I have it.... pleeeeezzzzzz.....".

Ignoring his charm, I said "No, you're about to cry. I will get you this game only if you promise not to cry".

Piku said softly "I'm not crying...",
then repeated with little flatness "I'm not crying",
then again with slight sadness "I....am.... not...crying... ",
then his voice grew louder "I'm not cryinggggg....",
then "I'm not cryinggg....",
then "I'm not cryinggg...."

I wasn't even getting a chance to speak or think, and within minutes he was on crying on top of his lungs "I AMMMMM NOT CRAAAAAAYYYYYINNNNNNNG......." 2nd Angry bird .

All I wanted now is to wrap him up in a blanket and run away from the store, but that would've given some other impression to the on-lookers resulting in me being inside jail. So, I was just trying to say "Piku, piku, pikuuuuuu, peeeekooooo...." but he was not even listening to me.

Finally, I gave up and grabbed the Angry Birds game and heard "                                    " (Piku's voice was instantly put on mute).

I thought that I've gone partially deaf, because I was hearing only one long beep "-------------" (remember good old Doordarshan's beep sound). This happens usually when a high-decibel-noise goes mute instantly .

Wifey came to my aide "we shouldn't give in to his blackmailing like this. Let's not buy this. This would set wrong example... etc. etc. etc.". I "feel" that she must have been saying such things because I was still hearing the beep sound only.

Anyhow, while still looking for the MRP on the box, I moved towards the next aisle when Piku said "I want that big gun toooo...................".

No points on guessing angry bird #3.

Click a pic!

Kids grow up so fast... they learn to communicate so fast... and they learn to express themselves so fast !!!

One day, I was taking Piku's random snaps, when I clicked following... 

He was so tired that it showed on his face, so I asked him to cheer up so that I could get a better photo.

This was his immediate response....

Kids grow up so fast... they learn to communicate so fast... and they learn to express themselves so fast :)

Who wants an ice-cream?

This one is about our visit to a mall in Gurgaon.

As soon as we entered the mall I received a phone call. When the call got over, I saw that Piku was "mumbling" & "bouncing" in front of an ice-cream stall, and his mom was trying to control the situation (& hide her embarrassment).

"It's just an ice-cream" I thought and ordered one.

When the guy handed it to me I asked casually "how much" while reaching out for cash in my wallet. "220/- only" came the reply. Trust me that was the hottest ice-cream I've ever held.

My next automatic question was "do you accept card", which got an affirmative response. With heavy heart I handed the credit card to the sales guy and ice-cream cone to Piku.

Although now I was getting an urge to bounce & mumble like Piku was doing few moments ago, but my sense of dignity held me back. But, Piku certainly had something else in mind because he had started bouncing & mumbling again... when I asked him with a stone-cold accent "what's the matter", he replied: "I want only cone ...."

Piku's communication is improving

Piku's communication is improving with each passing day; and with each passing day, chances of my dignity being shattered are also increasing.

We keep trying to teach him to talk respectfully, by reciting the difference between "tum" and "aap" numerous times a day; and he meets another kid for 5 minutes and starts asking everyone "तू क्या कर रहा है (tu kya kar raha hai)".

When he misbehaves, I control my deep desires of giving a slap and tell him very politely with a very forced expression of calmness "betaSSSS... don't do this"; but when it is his turn, he doesn't hold back and says "दूंगा कान के नीचे (doonga kaan ke neeche)". It is bearable to hear him saying such stuff (bachho ka kya hai, kuchh bhi bolte hain), the hurting part is the expression of absolute delight on his face when he speaks such things.

Anyway, I know this is a common scenario with most kids of this age group, so I wasn't actually worried; but following incident was an eye opener for underlying dangers:

One Saturday, I was glued devotedly to the idiot box, when I heard Piku talking to his Mom in the other room. Since my mind stops working while TV is on, so I was just hearing some random words, until I heard something like "gaddhu (donkey)". I reluctantly dragged myself to the place where I could look into the other room, without letting the television screen get out of my sight.

To my horror I saw that he was talking to someone on phone, and before I could react he spoke: "Arey yaaar, Mumma is doing dishes, Papa is watching TV". My heart sank for a moment and then I thanked God, that Piku didn't speak the other way round :D

That is why, on one hand, I wish for his communication to grow better, yet somewhere deep in my heart, I'm growing nervous about my dignity getting shattered.

I pray for the day to come soon, when I shall quote Shri Spiderman Ji in front of Piku: "With great power comes great responsibility", and he would understand me.... he would, right?

Whats in a name?

Whats in a name? 

Depends upon perception. For some, नाम में क्या रखा है (naam mein kya rakha hai), for others सिर्फ नाम ही काफी है (sirf naam hi kaafi hai).

Here, I'm talking about my son's name. Most of you know him as Piku, but he has several other nicknames (or aliases):

My parent's version - Akshat
Wifey's parent's version - Parth
My aunt's version - Atharv
Wifey's aunt's version - Prince
Indore Nagar Nigam version (i.e. the birth certificate) - Aarav

I would refrain from listing all twisted versions like 'Pooki', 'Kupi' etc. because that list is long... and possibly injurious to health ( my health in future ).

So, until late, whenever he was asked his name in English "what is your name?" , he responded "Aarav".

Same question in Hindi " आपका नाम क्या है? (aapka naam kya hai)" would get answered as "Piku".

Yesterday was somewhat different. We went to a place, where Piku was playing with some other kids in garden.

10-15 minutes later a little girl came to us and asked wifey: "आंटी, इसका नाम क्या है (Aunty, what is his name)"

Wifey must have wanted to say "His name is Aarav, and please don't call me aunty"; but she said "Aarav".

"मगर आंटी वो तो अपना नाम बॉडीगार्ड बता रहा है!" ( but aunty, he is saying his name is Bodyguard - Salman Khan)

Kids Aaj Kal

Disclaimer - All things mentioned here are based upon true stories (and hazy memories).

Scene One

Date - around 1978
Time - around noon
Location - a house somewhere in Lucknow
Participants - a mother and her 2-3 years old kid

Mom - Are you gonna eat this chapati or not?
Kid - I don't wanna eat.
Mom - Why?
Kid - (starts wailing) Waaaaaaahhhhh...

Mom - Why you don't want to eat?
Kid - (wailing continues) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Eat it otherwise....
Kid - (mom's threat works) It is too hot.
Mom breaks the chapati to cool it down.

Kid - (wailing resumes) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Now what?
Kid - You tore my chapati...
Mom - but betu, this is how we cool it.

Kid - You tore my chapati... waaaaaaahhhhh....
Mom - Oho... ok, here, have a new one.
Kid - Waaaaaahhh... I want same chapati...  इसको जोड़ के दो... join it again...

I don't remember what happened next (did I mention that I was 'the kid').


Scene Two

Year - 2011 (26th Sep, 8:45 pm to be precise)
Location - a flat at Noida
Participants - a mother and her 2.9 years old kid - Piku

Mom - Are you gonna eat this apple or not?

Kid - I don't wanna eat.
Mom - Why?
Kid - (starts wailing) Waaaaaaahhhhh...

Mom - Why you don't want to eat?
Kid - (wailing continues) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Eat it otherwise....
Kid - (mom's threat works again) Its skin is too thick.
Mom peels the apple .

Kid - (wailing resumes) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Now what?
Kid - It has seeds....
Mom cuts the apple and removes all seeds.
Kid - (wailing resumes) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Now what?
Kid - You cut the apple I wanted to eat...
Mom - but betu, that's how we remove the seeds.

Kid - You cut my apple... waaaaaaahhhhh....
Mom - Oho... ok, here, have a new one.
Kid - Waaaaaahhh... I want same apple...  इसको जोड़ के दो... join it...

This time I remember what happened next... I ate the apple :)

Some totally random thoughts... Kids special

This post is similar to one of my previous post, but this one is dedicated to kids...

So, here are some totally random thoughts related to kids & parenting...

- All kids look upwards while answering any question...

- As soon as either of the parents enters washroom; all kids would have an urgent urge to relieve themselves...
... and as soon as the person is out of the washroom, their urgent urge would no more be urgent...

- There is a door in every childhood, which has been accidentally locked, having the child locked alone at one side...

- Most kids won't hear you calling them even if they are playing right in front of you (ignorance), but they would never miss any ring coming from your cellphone (watchfulness)...

- You might be able to like/enjoy/withstand loudest rock-band, but any kid screaming on top of his lungs can make you cover your ears...

- One kid in school is better than two at home...

- If you tell your guests that your kid doesn't like biscuits, your kid would finish entire plate before your guests leave (well established fact)....

- Many times you would have a hunch that your kid is not that innocent; and whatever he is doing, he is doing that only to annoy you. Believe me, that's true...

- Seeing a kid throwing tantrums at public places is quite enjoyable, unless the kid is ours...

Jai Mata Di

Sometime back we got a chance to visit Vaishno Devi. It was a long awaited and planned trip - wifey was waiting for it since last 4 years, and I was planning for it since last 4 years :)

So finally, when my 'गृहलक्ष्मी '(Ghar ki Lakshmi ) got angry and became 'दुर्गा' (Durga), entire trip was planned and all reservations were done within 4 hours.

Now the biggest question was how to climb up the mountain. Me, Ankita & Piku, we all were not able to agree upon any common conclusion.
- We could hire horses, but wifey was scared to ride...
- We could hike up, but carrying Piku for 12 km uphill daunted me. Somehow, it didn't occur to me for quite sometime that I would need to carry him 12 km downhill as well...
- We could hire a 'Pitthu' (or Guide) to carry Piku, but Piku wasn't willing to do so. Of course he didn't literally say this (he was just 2+ years old then), but we knew that he won't let anyone else carry him...

So, we left the decision to our fate, boarded the bus from our hotel and repeated with everybody "Jai Mata Di". Probably Goddess was obliged, and Piku fell asleep by the time we reached 'Katra', the foothill of the mountain. Without any second thought, we hired a 'Pitthu', and he took Piku on his shoulders ... and the seemingly impossible ascent began.

The weather was pleasant, and every now & then the 'jaikara' echoed which kept on pumping the morale:

"Jor se bolo, Jai Mata Di"
"Prem se bolo, Jai Mata Di!!!"

After walking for hours, me & wifey were tired & sweating and decided to take a break (first break). After having refreshed ourselves, we asked our guide how much more distance was left. I couldn't hear anything past the words "11 kms ONLY". We pledged immediately not to ask him about the remaining distance (although I broke the pledge fifteen minutes later). Also, now I understand the concept of time relativity.

Anyway, we carried on with our ascent with frequent action packed moments. For anybody else there might not have been any action, but for me there were many incidents.
For e.g.: every time Piku woke up, I had to run and get behind his back, so that he would only see his mother and assume that I'm carrying him on my shoulders.
Another instance: every now & then, we, the two legged creatures (humans), would be sidelined by four legged creatures (horses) or six legged creatures (horses with people sitting on them) or eight legged creatures (horses with people sitting on them with babies in their laps).

Our guide was also doing his part to keep us moving, steadily. Sometimes he would increase his pace, and we would have to in-turn move faster so that he doesn't get out of sight.
Sometimes he used to tell me (de)motivational factors.

- 'अरे आप से भी मोटे-2 लोग चढ़ जाते हैं (people fatter than you also climb very easily )'... Motivation - There are people fatter than me! Demotivation - I'm fat!

- 'ऊपर पहुँच कर मौसम अच्छा हो जायेगा (weather would be pleasant upwards)'...... Motivation - It would be nice after sometime! Demotivation - It's hot right now!
- 'बस, उस point तक जाना है (just need to reach that point)'... Motivation - I can see where I need to reach! Demotivation - Still X kms to go!

The echoing 'jaikara' had also slightly changed:

"Jor se bolo, Jai Mata Di"

"Mil kar bolo, Jai Mata Di!!!" After all, combined efforts were needed to carry on the trip...

Anyhow, after many more breaks (& refreshments), lots of sweating and weary bodies, we finally reached the holy cave. We entered the caves, moving wearily to get a glimpse of 'Mata Vaisho Devi' and before anyone could sense anything, we were on our way back. Thankfully, some friends had guided me earlier so my trip wasn't wasted.

Later, while we were descending, the echoing 'jaikara' was changed to:

 "Jor se bolo, Jai Mata Di"

"Awaaz na aayi, Jai Mata Di!!!" 

After returning back, I was doing some calculations and found that:

Total distance walked ~ 28 kms 

Time taken ~ 10.5 hours

Weight lost ~ 0 kg 

Conclusion - if an object moves in a closed loop, the net work done is zero.

Moral - whatever I read in physics in school, was true. 

Piku's Career

One of the initial scenes of bollywood blockbuster movie - 3 Idiots. Parikshit Sahni's face looking upon his new born son (Madhavan - the narrator), and he delivers his  first dialogue: "Mera beta engineer banega!".

I would say that the scene was somewhat unreal, but was true in essence! It was unreal because probably no one says this kind of sentence the moment they see their baby's face for the first time. But it was true in essence, because in reality, people start dreaming on their kid's careers from the moment they learn about embarkment of their journey towards parenthood. We weren't any different; but just to show my over-smartness I told wifey that we would not dream on our instincts, instead we would dream based upon his actions.

During a small ceremony, when he picked pen instead of money, we thought he might become a writer; but next moment he threw away the pen and grabbed the currency. Don't know why, but I felt relaxed :D

When we saw Piku playing with bat-ball for first time we thought he might become a cricketer. Although now bat serves the purpose of hitting anything except the ball. In fact, when Piku becomes overly affectionate, the bat lands up on me!

To see, whether he would be interested in reading, we gave him news paper to browse, and in turn he developed a hobby of tearing papers apart. Now, we've an additional daily task to keep newspaper safe, until we've read it. Otherwise, we only pay for the paper, but don't get to read it!

There were many such moments where we tried to guess his career, but it all came to end last week. After months of reluctance, last week I had to allow him to work on laptop. For that, I opened MS Word, changed the font size to 36 and handed the laptop to him; but I was totally devastated when Piku keyed in his first letters on the laptop. I knew that he was going on the wrong direction because the first 3 letters he typed were ...  JAV.... I didnt let him type any further!

Return of - No!

If you are wondering "is this post a sequel to previous one; and if it is a sequel, what could be meant by return-of No?", then yes, this Is a sequel to the previous post, and the meaning of the title is somewhat literal: The way we used to say No to Piku, he has started returning the "No" to us.

Whatever we ask him to do, his flat reply is "No".
Piku, come here - No!
Piku, eat your food - No!
Piku, put the broom down - No!
Piku, sleep - No!
Piku, say hello to uncle - No!

Initially "No" was just a spoken word, later it was conjoined by relevant actions.

Piku, come here - No! (... and run away)

Piku, eat your food - No! (... and clench his teeth)

Piku, wear your cap - No! (... and throw the cap somewhere farther)

Piku, sleep - No! (... and start jumping on the bed)

Piku, give me the mobile back - No! (... and run away with the mobile)

After few weeks of insults, we applied mathematics to the situation: "minus minus plus hota hai" and we introduced "don't"!

Piku, don't come here - and he would come right to us
Piku, don't drink the milk - and he would gulp

Piku, don't watch TV - and he would switch off the power button immediately

Piku, don't spit out the piece of paper you just put in your mouth - and he would immediately spit

Things worked for sometime, but as we all have heard that babies are fast learners; Piku also learnt our strategy and then his responses & actions became conditional. Now he returns our "No" only when it is in his favor.

I think he would grow into a high self-esteemed fellow, because the way he has started returning our "No" sounds as if he is trying to say "मैं किसी का उधार नहीं रखता. ये लो रखो अपना NO"!

Rat In The Flat

Yesterday night while we were trying to sleep, Piku seemed to have achieved extra activeness (although, I feel like this daily). He was just not ready to lie down even for a minute, and my irritation as well as drowsiness were both increasing with every passing moment. I could slip into sleep any moment, but Piku was adamant. My frustration reached such levels that I almost slapped him. That was when I realized, I had already slid into sleep, and my irritation had found its way into my dreams.

So, I lazily glanced towards my sleeping family before turning my back, and it was then when I saw a shining black thick lasso near the door. "Snake!!!" was the first thought and "Idiot!!!" was second.
"There couldn't possibly be a snake inside a closed room of a flat located on the top floor of the building" my brain told me in a jiffy.

"Must be a little mouse with a long tail" my thoughts were disturbed by a muffled shriek; rodent's attempts had woken up wifey. "Rats! Now I would be asked to get rid of this" I thought, pretending to be asleep. Anyways, as expected, wifey nudged me -
"उठो !"
"क्या ?"
"चूहा !"
"कहाँ ?"
 "वहां !"
"कहाँ ?"
"अरे वहां !"
"मुझे नहीं दिख रहा !"
"अरे वो है ना, दरवाजे के पास !"

"मुझे नहीं दिख रहा !"

"अभी तो वहां था, पता नहीं कहाँ गया !"

"तुम्हारा वहम होगा, सो जाओ !"
"नहीं, मैंने देखा था! इत्ता बड़ा चूहा था !"
"सो जाओ, सवेरे देखेंगे !"
"प्लीज़ !"

This was the point where I had to get up, because lucky are those husbands, who get to hear the golden word "please" from their wives. I couldn't ignore increasing adrenaline-rush in my blood. The feeling of being superior took me out of bed and switched on the light.
The next moment all adrenaline disappeared, and before disappearing it made me jump back!
"That is a rat! That is a RAT! That is a RATTTT???? It can't be a RAT. Look at its size, it looks like that it has just eaten a bloody cat!"

This rat was a huge one; even bigger than ones that we see on railway stations. It had somehow & sometime found its way inside our flat, and had been sitting somewhere silently, waiting for us to fall asleep, so that it could attack and kill us in the night (thoughts of a petrified mind).

Upon seeing light and a jumping guy (me), the rat also got scared and ran towards corner & disappeared behind dressing table.

"Do something" wifey said.
"What can I do to such a giant Rattus Norvegicus, it will do anything it wishes" I thought, but said "yes yes, I'm thinking....", after all, no man would show that he is afraid of rodents, in front of his wife.

After some thinking, I opened the door towards balcony, took out a bat and started creating sounds to bring out the hiding beast. However, instead of bringing out the hidden beast, the noise woke up a sleeping beast - Piku.

When he saw the scene - his mom sitting on the bed holding the pillow and speaking loudly; and his dad hitting the ground with a bat and making noises; he decided to join in the chorus and started wailing. I couldn't decide which beast to handle first. However, Piku stopped crying himself as he pointed towards the ceiling. It took me a couple of moments that he wasn't pointing towards the ceiling, instead he was pointing at the top of the balcony door. The beast had shown its face, it was sitting on the top of the door and perhaps was trying to decide whether or not to jump from the door. It was first time when I saw its face and couldn't help noticing its similarity with Disney's Ratatouille. Piku also seemed to relate it with something he saw on TV because he spoke "moosh" (mouse).

So, situation was like this: the clock was showing 2 AM, room was freezing, Piku was enjoying the live version of cartoon series, wifey was tensed and waiting for the rat to jump outside, I was tensed and waiting for the rat to jump outside, the rat was tensed and waiting for me to move. Moments passed like this, and I realized various things like: the rat's brain is a small one and he won't jump to get outside the room, or the rat's brain is so small so he might jump. The most striking thought was that the situation was a deadlock and the rat could spend the entire night without moving an inch (because it did not have to go to office in the morning). So, I summoned my entire courage (without showing the expressions) and forced the door fiercely to make the rat fall. Trick worked, and the rat jumped out of desperation and disappeared into the dark.

You might think that the matter ended here, but it wasn't like that! Piku was again crying because his "moosh" was gone!

I've learnt that ...

- All kids would be wide awake when it is impossible for the parents to keep their eyes open.

- All kids would kick away quilts whenever the weather is cold and parents would have to sleep in chunks of 30 minutes throughout the night, to ensure that the baby remains covered.

- All kids would perform their potty rituals when parents are halfway through their meal!

- All kids would resist with full might when parents try to bathe them, but would play for hours in water when left unattended.

- All kids wouldn't leak a drop when parents take them to the bathroom, but would wet the bed/sofa/chair within  next few minutes.

- All kids would definitely try to lock the bathroom door from outside when you're inside & have forgotten to secure the latch (so that you don't get locked in accidentally).

- All kids would kick away the adorable teddy at first sight of laptops (love at first sight).

- All kids would instantly fall in love with noodles, chips, burger, fries etc. (love at the first bite).

- All kids would try to eat everything that is within their reach, except the food that they should be eating.

- All kids would continuously & happily recite poems, names of different persons, objects, etc., except when asked to do so. Probability increases in ratio with no. of guests present.

- All kids would preferably try to wear their parents' footwear leaving their own unnoticed.

- All kids would have desperate urge to throw important objects in the commode.

- All kids would be fascinated with balcony railings. Higher the distance from ground, higher is the fascination.

- All kids would cast havoc upon their parents, but would behave as the world's best baby in presence of guests!

Piku's Tricycle

This thing has been pending for quite sometime. Ankita had been asking to buy a tricycle for Piku since long and I had been avoiding that since long.

Even if she had not told me, I knew that my excuses were all lame, because the actual reason was that I was being over-protective for my kid. How else could someone justify excuses like "we don't have space to keep it (despite having a patio where we can park our car)" or "i will get him a bicycle instead of tricycle (regardless of the fact that Piku was hardly 1 year old at that time)".

There was just one way to end this procrastination and wifey knew that way very well. Last Sunday, when I woke up in the morning, the scene was somewhat different than usual. Wifey & Piku, both were getting ready for some outing. Upon noticing I'm awake, wifey prepared tea and said smilingly "Honey, here is your breakfast".  "I must be dreaming" I thought while she completed her sentence "...and did I tell you that this is also your lunch and maybe dinner!". I don't know whether it was the caffeine or thought of not getting anything else to eat; but I was wide awake after that first sip and second sentence.

Of course, she didn't mean what she said. She had prepared some nice breakfast (although I've a hunch that it was sufficient enough only to keep me moving). After all, someone with lots of weight to carry (my own weight), needs reasonable amount of energy to stroll in a mall in one shot;  especially if that mall has multiple outlets like Big Bazaar, Shopper's Stop, etc. spread across opposite corners and that too on different floors.

So, we walked through sections after sections, store after store, occasionally coming across various tricycle models; some were unnecessarily high priced, some unnecessarily low quality. Ones that Ankita liked, I  disapproved; ones I liked, she turned down. It was very hard to decide upon which tricycle to purchase. It was even harder to get Piku off from every tricycle we saw. Believe me, it is very tough to handle a tantrum throwing kid who starts rolling on the floor in a mall; but, it is much tougher to handle a tantrum throwing kid who gets clung to every tricycle he sees.

Anyhow, we managed to concur upon a tricycle in just 4 hours. Can you believe it, just 4 hours. Finally, when we came back home and  seated Piku on it, and positioned him to pedal, we found that we've taken things into hurry.

His legs don't reach the pedals yet!

So, currently Piku has disdained his good old little puppy toy, because now he has a bigger toy to drag around - Piku's Tricycle.