मैं बहुत परेशान था - 1

पहले मैं बहुत परेशान रहता था !

मेरी बाइक में मैं जो भी कपड़ा रखता कोई उसे चुरा ले जाता था!

इससे मेरी बाइक गंदी  रह जाती थी!

और रोज़ मेरी पैंट भी खराब हो जाती थी!

मेरी गर्लफ्रेंड भी मुझसे नाराज़ रहने लगी!

मैंने बहुत कोशिश की उसे मानाने की पर वो नहीं मान रही थी!

अब लग रहा था की सब कुछ ख़त्म हो रहा है!

फिर एक दिन 

मुझे मिला 

मेरा

**** पुराना अंडरवियर! ****

और उस दिन से मेरी दुनिया बदल सी गयी है!

अब कोई मेरी बाइक से कपड़ा नहीं चुराता!

मेरी पैंट भी साफ़ रहती है!

और मेरी गर्लफ्रेंड भी वापस आ गयी है!

अगर आप भी परेशान हैं अपनी बाइक से कपड़ा  चोरी होने से 

तो देर मत कीजिये,

अभी ढूंढिये अपना पुराना  अंडरवियर !

और देखिये अपनी आँखों के सामने अपनी दुनिया को बदलते हुए!!

थैंक यू मेरे पुराने अंडरवियर!

Chanta Laga

Me and few school friends were chatting recently and were laughing over various childhood memories. Here is one of them -

When I graduated to 6th grade, my father got me enrolled into HAL School, Lucknow. It took sometime to secure the admission and hence I was nearly 2 months late in joining school. As expected, I was pretty nervous on my first day.

Picture this - a young boy coming from a small school (which had all the classrooms on a single floor in a single building) who hasn't seen any big school in his life, enters a large school.
You can imagine his bewilderment from the first sentence that he told his mother after school - "Mummy, this school is so big that they couldn't fit all kids in one class. They had to create many sections for each class". कितना मासूम था न मैं!

So, on my first day in school, I (the masoom boy) was escorted to the class and the class teacher introduced me to everybody. First lecture passed alright. Since I was already 2 months behind the syllabus so I didn't understand anything.

Then, 2nd lecture started - Mathematics. Our maths teacher was Siddiqui sir and he had a peculiar way of announcing his entrance in the class. From the time he entered into the class, and till the time he got settled, he would point random students and ask for random values in multiplication table.
It was like - "you - 17 X 7 = ?", "you - 12 X 3 = ?", "you - 19 X 4 = ?". Needless to say, everyone had multiplication tables on their fingertips.

Like many other kids, I was already afraid of maths at that time, and when I saw Siddiqui sir's way of teaching - I was scared witless. Also, I knew only tables upto 10 at that time; so that was another nail in the coffin!

Pretty soon, he started his lecture in regular way and wrote a question on the black board. Then he turned around and started looking at the class. I don't know whether it was my good looks or bad luck; of all the regular students, he picked me up for solving that. Later I learnt that it was neither my looks nor my luck - it was my stupidity that I was the only one looking at him; everyone else was avoiding eye contact with him.

Of course, I didn't understand the problem at all. While I was walking towards the black board I heard some boys saying "सर, नया है! सर, नया है!". I didn't understand that either.

Seconds later, I was standing there, in front of entire class, with a chalk in my hand and looking dumbfounded.
Before I could say something there was a sound - "Chataak"!!!
Seconds later, I was still standing there, in front of entire class, with one hand still holding the chalk and other hand over my cheek; and still looking dumbfounded.

I went back to my seat without making eye contact with anyone (lesson learnt) and didn't look up. Meanwhile, someone else was solving the problem on the board.

After 5 minutes or so, I heard "You! Hey You". The kid sitting next to me poked me lightly and I looked up and saw Siddiqui Sir pointing to me.

"Yes sir?" I stood up thinking "अभी और भी बेइज्जती होनी है क्या"
"You are new" he said. It took me a second or two to understand that he was asking not telling.
"Yes Sir".
"Ok, Sit down"
... and that my friends, my grandest entry to any gathering, ever! Not quite what one would expect, right?

I sat down with this dialogue echoing in my head "Dr. Dang Ko pehli baar kisi ne thappad maara hai, First time. Is Thappad ki goonj suni tumne? Ab is goonj ki goonj tumhe sunai degi. Rana mujhe tumhaara thappad bhoolega nahi". It's pretty easy to guess the movie, right? Well, I was able to relate to it completely!

Mere Ghar Aayi...

Friends, as most of you already know that we've been blessed with a baby girl recently; and that explains the title - मेरे घर आई एक नन्ही परी|

But that isn't all. With the little baby, came many other things like sweet (& sour) remembrances of Piku's infancy days; i.e. mere ghar aayi yaadon ki potli, toothless smile, sleepless nights, line of diapers, frequent visits to paediatrician etc etc.

Since I claim myself to be a man of planning, I had already thought about these (please don't say thinking and planning are different). However, what I didn't think of - li'll princess also brought a big brother in the house; I mean - Piku is a big brother now.

Mind you, me & Ankita did think about issues that occur with single child who becomes an elder sibling. Issues like Piku feeling neglected, becoming rude, feeling dejected; but we definitely did not think about the positive effects of him becoming a big brother. Who plans for good things anyway; we only worry about failures :)

When Piku first heard that he has got a little baby sister, he was slightly disappointed. Why? Because he was expecting 3 brothers like Huey, Dewey and Louie from Ducktales; but was delighted when he saw the "chhoti behan".

Can you guess what was his first sentence after he saw the little baby? He said "She is too small; can I watch TV now?". And I thought " That's my boy! Wait, what? Did he just ask for TV. That's truly my boy!!!"

And since then he has been showing remarkable capabilities that he has inherited from his Mom - he has been taking excellent care of the baby. He knows where the supplies are kept; when are they running out; when it's too cold for the baby; when she is hungry and .... best of all...  he can tell when the little baby needs a diaper change!!! Forget me; sometimes Piku beats his mother at this. Even if we don't want to, he would challenge us to look at the baby's diaper and win every single time!

... and that brings us back to title of this post with a new meaning - मेरे घर आई......... एक नन्ही आया!!!

Partiality - the other angle

If you are thinking that this is a sequel to my previous post "Partiality", then you're right. But, if you think that this post presents wifey's version instead of mine, then you're mistaken. I'm still at the receiving end; sender has changed from my wife to my son.

One day, me and Ankita were arguing about who is a better parent. She was putting up her arguments in her favor and I was trying to prove my superiority.

My strongest point was "Piku gets super-excited whenever I return from office" and wifey countered "that's just because there is a gap of so many hours".

"Nurturing a young one requires great understanding, and greater patience. If you've to look after him for entire day, you won't stand a chance" she added.

I said "Let's try this on coming Saturday. I will take care of him for entire day".

"Fine; but remember - watching TV is not an option" she trumped me. My plan was ruined even before finalization.

So I said "let's leave this to the kid; let him decide".
"Piku, who you love more - Mumma or Papa" we asked Piku who was slaying some imaginary Power Ranger villain.

Without looking at us he said "Papa!"

"Yay..." I rejoiced with an ear to ear grin. Wifey was taken aback and she asked him "Why Beta; doesn't Mumma love you more"?

"Of course you do. माँ  के अंदर आत्मा होती है,  दिमाग होता है और भगवान होते हैं. Mom has Soul and Brain and GOD..." replied Piku.
"... and what about Papa" I asked nervously.
Without listening to my question, he continued " but Papa needs more love because पापा के अंदर सिर्फ आत्मा होती है… he has only soul!!!"

This is how I felt in the end

Partiality

Do you often face injustice? Are others getting "special" treatment? Do you feel like being treated as second citizen? If answer to all these questions is "yes", then I've another question for you - does it happen at your home also? :) If your answer is still "yes", then I've a news that might make you feel better - you're not alone - मेरी भी वही हालत है, I'm in the same situation :)

However, the discrimination that I've to face at home is getting intolerable. Being an engineer, I can state my problem as a theorem: 

If same request is made by me and my son Piku to my wife Ankita, mine would be denied and Piku's would be approved. 

Seriously, I can prove this! Let me use hypothesis testing for this. If I sound nerdy, I meant - let me tell you few incidents :)

Incident One - 

There are a few dishes that have a love-hate status in my house. I love them and wifey hates 'em. So, as expected, those don't get prepared very often. 

Last year when wifey was at Lucknow and I was in U.S., she told me over phone "today I've made one of your favourite dish".

I thought that since we haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, she must be missing me.

With affection oozing in every word, I said "Missing me 'eh. Is it love?"

Got a flat response instead "Nah, not really. Piku wanted to eat that".

I couldn't understand whether I should be sad that I've been neglected or should be happy because now people liking this dish are a majority in my house.

Incident Two - Someday few weeks ago:

Me - Madammm, can you please get me some water (notice the respectful language ;-) )

Wifey - I'm busy.

Me - I'm doing some work and can't get up right now. (Pssst.. I will let you in a secret - I was actually watching Arnold Schwarzenegger getting geared up with all kinds of heavy weapons in Commando; the scene that has been fascination for so many boys)

Wifey - No, you're watching TV and I'm in kitchen. Plus, my hands are dirty.

Me - But that's the point; you're already in the kitchen. So it would be easier for...

Wifey interrupted me and said - OK. I will get it whenever I'm done here.... (some muffled murmur continued)...

Piku - Mummaaaaaaaa... I'm thirsty.

Wifey magically appeared with a glass of water and one clean hand

Me - What about my water?

Wifey - You can drink whatever he leaves in the glass (and went back to kitchen); if you still need more, I will get it whenever I'm free.

Incident Three - Yesterday

Me - Can you come here please.

Answer - Why?

Me - Come here, I want to show you something

Wifey - What is it?

Me- I can show you only if you come here.

Wifey - I'm busy.

Piku - Mommmmm.... 

Wifey (comes to us and says) - What happened beta?

Piku (with an innocent smile) - Nothing, I was missing you; आपकी  याद आ रही थी .

Wifey (with sugar coated smile) - My sweet beta... (and planted a kiss on his cheek).

This was too much for me. I stopped her from going back and asked "Why this partiality with me?"

She said "what are you talking about?"

I went on explaining the theory and quoted these examples and asked again "Tell me. Why are you being partial to me?"

She responded with a smirk "Piku has a blood relation with me :-D"

Wrong train

This is an old incident which is still afresh in my mind. I was supposed to go to Bhopal from Lucknow from Raptisagar express. However things turned up differently because I accidentally  boarded a wrong train (I've perfect explanation for that, but that is capable of being an entirely different post).

As the train left Lucknow station, an elderly uncle asked me if I could swap my lower berth with his upper one and I happily agreed to that. Pretty soon I was dozing off only to be awakened by an argument between some co passengers. The train had reached Kanpur, and it took me a couple of minutes to realize that the new passenger was arguing with the elderly uncle for my seat :)

I stepped in the argument confidently only to realize that I'm in a wrong train. By this time the train had left Kanpur station and was in outskirts of the city. I picked up my bag and rushed towards the door to see if there is any other upcoming station.

The train was moving sluggishly; and since I knew that I was still within the city limits, I decided to get down - from the moving train (yes, I thought so). However as soon as I decided this, there was a small jerk and train started gaining speed. Without any other thought, I immediately threw my bag out and jumped against one of those "Abandoned" houses on the field (yes, I DID THAT!!!); only to find that the train had stopped (the jerk I felt was because train was slowing down).

"Happens!!!", I convinced myself with a shrug, picked up my bag and hurried across the field. Afterwards, hired a rickshaw to reach the road, then got onto an auto to reach highway and then got onto a tempo that took me to main Kanpur station.

I rushed inside the station only to find the Ratisagar Express moving in front of my eyes!!!






















This doesn't end here... upon seeing that the train is still in front of my eyes, I ran with my all might towards it when another guy stopped me "What the hell you think you're doing".
"my train, जा  रही है…  its leaving"
"जा  नहीं रही मालिक आ रही है… its arriving" (now I know how a facepalm with a sigh of relief feels like)!!!

Oh God! What have you done?

"Oh God! What have you done!" - this is exactly what it "literally" means and not what it "probably" means.

Most people would think that this is what probably what we are yelling at Piku; but actually, this is what Piku tells God these days - "Oh God, what have you done".

This started sometime back when we started trying to inflict moral values in Piku; and we thought of using bedtime stories as the prime source to do this.

However, this was easier said than done due to 2 reasons:
1- We had to come up with a brand new story every time
2- He would often not understand the moral value and would just enjoy the story

However, we found out yesterday that he understood the morale every time, but used it only when it was in his favor :)

Yesterday when we were having lunch, he was trying to get away without eating. So all of a sudden, he opened a water bottle, kept its cap on the table, and flicked it. As soon as the cap hit the ground, he started crying (घड़ियाली आंसू ) - "Oh God! What have you done!!!! Everything is Bhagwan Vishnu's fault..."

I was dumbstruck "Hainnnn....".

And Piku explained "You told me that Bhagwan Vishnu controls everything. So he made this cap, he made me; and he made me flick this cap".

This should have angered me, but instead I felt proud. In some other scenario, he would've got a slap on the cheek or pat on the back; but he got what he actually wanted - he got away with the lunch!