Piku's communication is improving


Piku's communication is improving with each passing day; and with each passing day, chances of my dignity being shattered are also increasing.

We keep trying to teach him to talk respectfully, by reciting the difference between "tum" and "aap" numerous times a day; and he meets another kid for 5 minutes and starts asking everyone "तू क्या कर रहा है (tu kya kar raha hai)".

When he misbehaves, I control my deep desires of giving a slap and tell him very politely with a very forced expression of calmness "betaSSSS... don't do this"; but when it is his turn, he doesn't hold back and says "दूंगा कान के नीचे (doonga kaan ke neeche)". It is bearable to hear him saying such stuff (bachho ka kya hai, kuchh bhi bolte hain), the hurting part is the expression of absolute delight on his face when he speaks such things.

Anyway, I know this is a common scenario with most kids of this age group, so I wasn't actually worried; but following incident was an eye opener for underlying dangers:

One Saturday, I was glued devotedly to the idiot box, when I heard Piku talking to his Mom in the other room. Since my mind stops working while TV is on, so I was just hearing some random words, until I heard something like "gaddhu (donkey)". I reluctantly dragged myself to the place where I could look into the other room, without letting the television screen get out of my sight.

To my horror I saw that he was talking to someone on phone, and before I could react he spoke: "Arey yaaar, Mumma is doing dishes, Papa is watching TV". My heart sank for a moment and then I thanked God, that Piku didn't speak the other way round :D

That is why, on one hand, I wish for his communication to grow better, yet somewhere deep in my heart, I'm growing nervous about my dignity getting shattered.

I pray for the day to come soon, when I shall quote Shri Spiderman Ji in front of Piku: "With great power comes great responsibility", and he would understand me.... he would, right?

Whats in a name?


Whats in a name? 

Depends upon perception. For some, नाम में क्या रखा है (naam mein kya rakha hai), for others सिर्फ नाम ही काफी है (sirf naam hi kaafi hai).

Here, I'm talking about my son's name. Most of you know him as Piku, but he has several other nicknames (or aliases):

My parent's version - Akshat
Wifey's parent's version - Parth
My aunt's version - Atharv
Wifey's aunt's version - Prince
Indore Nagar Nigam version (i.e. the birth certificate) - Aarav

I would refrain from listing all twisted versions like 'Pooki', 'Kupi' etc. because that list is long... and possibly injurious to health ( my health in future ).

So, until late, whenever he was asked his name in English "what is your name?" , he responded "Aarav".
Same question in Hindi " आपका नाम क्या है? (aapka naam kya hai)" would get answered as "Piku".

Yesterday was somewhat different. We went to a place, where Piku was playing with some other kids in garden.

10-15 minutes later a little girl came to us and asked wifey: "आंटी, इसका नाम क्या है (Aunty, what is his name)"

Wifey must have wanted to say "His name is Aarav, and please don't call me aunty"; but she said "Aarav".

"मगर आंटी वो तो अपना नाम बॉडीगार्ड बता रहा है!" ( but aunty, he is saying his name is Bodyguard - Salman Khan)

Kids Aaj Kal

Disclaimer - All things mentioned here are based upon true stories (and hazy memories).

Scene One

Date - around 1978
Time - around noon
Location - a house somewhere in Lucknow
Participants - a mother and her 2-3 years old kid

Mom - Are you gonna eat this chapati or not?
Kid - I don't wanna eat.
Mom - Why?
Kid - (starts wailing) Waaaaaaahhhhh...

Mom - Why you don't want to eat?
Kid - (wailing continues) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Eat it otherwise....
Kid - (mom's threat works) It is too hot.
Mom breaks the chapati to cool it down.

Kid - (wailing resumes) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Now what?
Kid - You tore my chapati...
Mom - but betu, this is how we cool it.

Kid - You tore my chapati... waaaaaaahhhhh....
Mom - Oho... ok, here, have a new one.
Kid - Waaaaaahhh... I want same chapati...  इसको जोड़ के दो... join it again...

I don't remember what happened next (did I mention that I was 'the kid').


Scene Two

Year - 2011 (26th Sep, 8:45 pm to be precise)
Location - a flat at Noida
Participants - a mother and her 2.9 years old kid - Piku

Mom - Are you gonna eat this apple or not?
Kid - I don't wanna eat.
Mom - Why?
Kid - (starts wailing) Waaaaaaahhhhh...

Mom - Why you don't want to eat?
Kid - (wailing continues) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Eat it otherwise....
Kid - (mom's threat works again) Its skin is too thick.
Mom peels the apple .

Kid - (wailing resumes) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Now what?
Kid - It has seeds....
Mom cuts the apple and removes all seeds.
Kid - (wailing resumes) Waaaaaaahhhhh...
Mom - Now what?
Kid - You cut the apple I wanted to eat...
Mom - but betu, that's how we remove the seeds.

Kid - You cut my apple... waaaaaaahhhhh....
Mom - Oho... ok, here, have a new one.
Kid - Waaaaaahhh... I want same apple...  इसको जोड़ के दो... join it...

This time I remember what happened next... I ate the apple :)




Some totally random thoughts... Kids special

This post is similar to one of my previous post, but this one is dedicated to kids...

So, here are some totally random thoughts related to kids & parenting...

- All kids look upwards while answering any question...

- As soon as either of the parents enters washroom; all kids would have an urgent urge to relieve themselves...
... and as soon as the person is out of the washroom, their urgent urge would no more be urgent...

- There is a door in every childhood, which has been accidentally locked, having the child locked alone at one side...

- Most kids won't hear you calling them even if they are playing right in front of you (ignorance), but they would never miss any ring coming from your cellphone (watchfulness)...

- You might be able to like/enjoy/withstand loudest rock-band, but any kid screaming on top of his lungs can make you cover your ears...

- One kid in school is better than two at home...

- If you tell your guests that your kid doesn't like biscuits, your kid would finish entire plate before your guests leave (well established fact)....

- Many times you would have a hunch that your kid is not that innocent; and whatever he is doing, he is doing that only to annoy you. Believe me, that's true...

- Seeing a kid throwing tantrums at public places is quite enjoyable, unless the kid is ours...

Jai Mata Di

Sometime back we got a chance to visit Vaishno Devi. It was a long awaited and planned trip - wifey was waiting for it since last 4 years, and I was planning for it since last 4 years :)

So finally, when my 'गृहलक्ष्मी '(Ghar ki Lakshmi ) got angry and became 'दुर्गा' (Durga), entire trip was planned and all reservations were done within 4 hours.

Now the biggest question was how to climb up the mountain. Me, Ankita & Piku, we all were not able to agree upon any common conclusion.
- We could hire horses, but wifey was scared to ride...
- We could hike up, but carrying Piku for 12 km uphill daunted me. Somehow, it didn't occur to me for quite sometime that I would need to carry him 12 km downhill as well...
- We could hire a 'Pitthu' (or Guide) to carry Piku, but Piku wasn't willing to do so. Of course he didn't literally say this (he was just 2+ years old then), but we knew that he won't let anyone else carry him...

So, we left the decision to our fate, boarded the bus from our hotel and repeated with everybody "Jai Mata Di". Probably Goddess was obliged, and Piku fell asleep by the time we reached 'Katra', the foothill of the mountain. Without any second thought, we hired a 'Pitthu', and he took Piku on his shoulders ... and the seemingly impossible ascent began.

The weather was pleasant, and every now & then the 'jaikara' echoed which kept on pumping the morale:
"Jor se bolo, Jai Mata Di"
"Prem se bolo, Jai Mata Di!!!"

After walking for hours, me & wifey were tired & sweating and decided to take a break (first break). After having refreshed ourselves, we asked our guide how much more distance was left. I couldn't hear anything past the words "11 kms ONLY". We pledged immediately not to ask him about the remaining distance (although I broke the pledge fifteen minutes later). Also, now I understand the concept of time relativity.

Anyway, we carried on with our ascent with frequent action packed moments. For anybody else there might not have been any action, but for me there were many incidents.
For e.g.: every time Piku woke up, I had to run and get behind his back, so that he would only see his mother and assume that I'm carrying him on my shoulders.
Another instance: every now & then, we, the two legged creatures (humans), would be sidelined by four legged creatures (horses) or six legged creatures (horses with people sitting on them) or eight legged creatures (horses with people sitting on them with babies in their laps).

Our guide was also doing his part to keep us moving, steadily. Sometimes he would increase his pace, and we would have to in-turn move faster so that he doesn't get out of sight.
Sometimes he used to tell me (de)motivational factors.
- 'अरे आप से भी मोटे-2 लोग चढ़ जाते हैं (people fatter than you also climb very easily )'... Motivation - There are people fatter than me! Demotivation - I'm fat!
- 'ऊपर पहुँच कर मौसम अच्छा हो जायेगा (weather would be pleasant upwards)'...... Motivation - It would be nice after sometime! Demotivation - It's hot right now!
- 'बस, उस point तक जाना है (just need to reach that point)'... Motivation - I can see where I need to reach! Demotivation - Still X kms to go!



The echoing 'jaikara' had also slightly changed:
"Jor se bolo, Jai Mata Di"
"Mil kar bolo, Jai Mata Di!!!" After all, combined efforts were needed to carry on the trip...

Anyhow, after many more breaks (& refreshments), lots of sweating and weary bodies, we finally reached the holy cave. We entered the caves, moving wearily to get a glimpse of 'Mata Vaisho Devi' and before anyone could sense anything, we were on our way back. Thankfully, some friends had guided me earlier so my trip wasn't wasted.

Later, while we were descending, the echoing 'jaikara' was changed to:
 "Jor se bolo, Jai Mata Di"
"Awaaz na aayi, Jai Mata Di!!!" 

After returning back, I was doing some calculations and found that:
Total distance walked ~ 28 kms 
Time taken ~ 10.5 hours
Weight lost ~ 0 kg 

Conclusion - if an object moves in a closed loop, the net work done is zero.
Moral - whatever I read in physics in school, was true. 

Some totally random thoughts...


- We all love to see the spam email that reads "Congratulations!!! You've won 89,389,550 dollars..."

- Whatever may be the call rates, the caller always feels happy if the call duration ends on 59th second... of any minute..

- If you call any person after a long while; you would definitly hear the question within few minutes: "और, मौसम कैसा है वहां पर? (how is the weather)"... as if they can do something about it...

- One who buys loads of stuff is suppossed to be filthy rich, but in fact he might have become poor because his money was spent in shopping...

- When we don't have to say anything during chat we type... "hmmm...."


- We might spend hundreds on 'faltu' shopping, but would always try to park the vehicle elsewhere to avoid parking charges...

- A transliteration gone awry - one day I was passing through a market when I noticed a board on a shop that read "कैलोपतरा" (kailopatra). I thought that someone is referring to "Kaila Devi"; but then I saw that it was a beauty parlor. After some thinking (and a closer look) I found that "कैलोपतरा" was actually meant to be "Cleopatra"...

- We love it when we speed through the traffic light turning from yellow to red and cross the signal just in time...

.... and last of all...

- We all enjoy watching tele-marketing shows... "main bahut pareshaaaaan thaaaa... fir mujhe mila najar suraksha yantra... agar aap abhi order karte hain to aapko milega ek ke sath ek freeeeeeeeeee.... "

Piku's Career

One of the initial scenes of bollywood blockbuster movie - 3 Idiots. Parikshit Sahni's face looking upon his new born son (Madhavan - the narrator), and he delivers his  first dialogue: "Mera beta engineer banega!".

I would say that the scene was somewhat unreal, but was true in essence! It was unreal because probably no one says this kind of sentence the moment they see their baby's face for the first time. But it was true in essence, because in reality, people start dreaming on their kid's careers from the moment they learn about embarkment of their journey towards parenthood. We weren't any different; but just to show my over-smartness I told wifey that we would not dream on our instincts, instead we would dream based upon his actions.

During a small ceremony, when he picked pen instead of money, we thought he might become a writer; but next moment he threw away the pen and grabbed the currency. Don't know why, but I felt relaxed :D

When we saw Piku playing with bat-ball for first time we thought he might become a cricketer. Although now bat serves the purpose of hitting anything except the ball. In fact, when Piku becomes overly affectionate, the bat lands up on me!

To see, whether he would be interested in reading, we gave him news paper to browse, and in turn he developed a hobby of tearing papers apart. Now, we've an additional daily task to keep newspaper safe, until we've read it. Otherwise, we only pay for the paper, but don't get to read it!

There were many such moments where we tried to guess his career, but it all came to end last week. After months of reluctance, last week I had to allow him to work on laptop. For that, I opened MS Word, changed the font size to 36 and handed the laptop to him; but I was totally devastated when Piku keyed in his first letters on the laptop. I knew that he was going on the wrong direction because the first 3 letters he typed were ...  JAV.... I didnt let him type any further!

Memoirs of a Baraat

Recently, I happened to attend a welding-ceremony, oops I mean the wedding-ceremony. Since I was from groom's side, so I got a chance to be a part of the "Baraat". Isn't it surprising that in India one can go and attend a marriage ceremony even if he is remotely related to the groom. In fact, I know few folks who could attend any marriage party without being related to anybody in the entire marriage (sweet old college days ) :-D

When I reached the venue, the Baraat had just started. The first thing that I spotted that the foremost entity in the Baraat was the generator. For a moment I felt that the "someone here is from Indian railways" ( that explained the diesel engine at the front). Another interesting observation was that all the gents were dressed with coats and jackets whereas none of the ladies was wearing any kind of warm clothing. It seemed, that the winter was here only for the masculine gender. Coming back to the Baraat, I saw a "bandwagon"  being dragged at the front, then after some gap few gentlemen were dragging themselves, then after some gap ladies party was dragging themselves. It seemed that the suited-booted gentlemen were little scared to get close to either the bandwagon or the ladies group.  In the last, after a gap of few feet, a decorated car was being dragged. You might think that I'm overusing the word "drag", but this was what I felt after seeing everybody's expression. Probably the groom also felt same as me because his face wore expressions that said "Allow me, and I would dance on everybody's behalf".

I was starting to think that this is going to be a borrrrinnnng ceremony, when I noticed a car, parked a little behind, under a tree, in the dark! I went nearer and found that the youth that was supposed to be with the Baraat, was busy with the "kaarobaar" (car-o-bar). "Oh, that's why the Baraat is moving sluggishly. Young India is busy here" I thought.

20 minutes later, the same Baraat was totally changed. Young Indians have merged with the Baraat. The gaps between the bandwagon, gentlemen and the ladies were gone. Most of the guests were displaying their dancing abilities to the fullest; few of the gentlemen and not-so-gentle-boys were performing the evergreen 'Nagin' dance, some people were busy with the fireworks, a middle aged uncle was waving a bundle of notes, the poor kids and the band players were eying the bundle greedily, couple of guys with overdose were puking here & there and rest of the youth was shunting between the Baraat and the car-o-bar. The liquor quality was very effective and supply was probably unlimited because soon the songs changed from "ये देश है वीर जवानों का (ye desh hai veer jawano ka)" to "तैनू दूल्हा किसने बनाया (tainu dulha kisne banaya)", and "बहारों फूल बरसाओ (baharon phool barsao)" changed to "मुन्नी बदनाम हुई डार्लिंग तेरे लिए (munni badnam hui darling tere liye)".

With all these happening events, the Baraat took nearly 1 hour to cover a 500 meter distance. I thought "Not bad". Why? Because it was much better than taking 2 hours.

Bride's side was fully prepared to tackle all kinds of scenarios because I could see slightly hidden lemon-slices kept by the side of a table.

Soon after, the groom and his kins got busy in the rituals and everyone else got busy in the usual stuff.
Elders got busy in talking, accompanied with intermittent (and growingly impatient) glances towards the dinner table, where the food was yet to be served.
Ladies got busy in chit-chatting, accompanied with intermittent glances towards other ladies' jewelery and deliberate display of their own jewelery.
Dudes from younger generation got busy in talking (about the girls), accompanied with intermittent glances towards (of-course) the girls.
Girls from younger generation got busy in talking about something (trust me, I tried but couldn't hear), accompanied with intermittent glances towards the dudes.
Only crowd that was focusing on just one thing were the kids, who were dancing on colorful dance floor. I  can't resist to mention that 'Sheela ki jawani' was the most repeated dance track. Kids seemed to enjoy the track, but not as much as their Dads :)

Thats it, since I didn't know anyone else so I hardly stayed there for 5-10 minutes after Baraat's conclusion and then moved back to home.
I lied above - I waited for full 35 minutes for the food, and left the place only after I had tasted* everything on the menu.

* People who have been with me for quite sometime know it very well that I never eat in any function, I just taste (please don't discuss about the quantity)!

Return of - No!

If you are wondering "is this post a sequel to previous one; and if it is a sequel, what could be meant by return-of No?", then yes, this Is a sequel to the previous post, and the meaning of the title is somewhat literal: The way we used to say No to Piku, he has started returning the "No" to us.

Whatever we ask him to do, his flat reply is "No".
Piku, come here - No!
Piku, eat your food - No!
Piku, put the broom down - No!
Piku, sleep - No!
Piku, say hello to uncle - No!

Initially "No" was just a spoken word, later it was conjoined by relevant actions.

Piku, come here - No! (... and run away)
Piku, eat your food - No! (... and clench his teeth)
Piku, wear your cap - No! (... and throw the cap somewhere farther)
Piku, sleep - No! (... and start jumping on the bed)
Piku, give me the mobile back - No! (... and run away with the mobile)

After few weeks of insults, we applied mathematics to the situation: "minus minus plus hota hai" and we introduced "don't"!

Piku, don't come here - and he would come right to us
Piku, don't drink the milk - and he would gulp
Piku, don't watch TV - and he would switch off the power button immediately
Piku, don't spit out the piece of paper you just put in your mouth - and he would immediately spit

Things worked for sometime, but as we all have heard that babies are fast learners; Piku also learnt our strategy and then his responses & actions became conditional. Now he returns our "No" only when it is in his favor.

I think he would grow into a high self-esteemed fellow, because the way he has started returning our "No" sounds as if he is trying to say "मैं किसी का उधार नहीं रखता. ये लो रखो अपना NO"!

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